Maralyn has a very special story to share. If you are in a situation similar to hers, remember her strength as you stuggle to free yourself
 
 

Perhaps my story will help someone, use it as it helps others in any forum. I am so sorry for what happened to you! Abuse is so cruel and long lasting! It took me a long time to even write it out, and at 69 finally I feel secure. Peace and your site is fantastic and helps so many you may not ever know. Maralyn

MY STORY
I am sending this for anyone who needs support to leave the Mormon cult. Also, any victim of incest.

FATHER FAMILY MEMBERS
I am a fourth generation Mormon. Perhaps you can gain some comfort for yourself, through my sixty nine years experience in and out of the church. My great grandfather was Jeremiah Hatch and my great grandmother, his second wife, lived the polygamy teachings. For years I accepted the family provided genealogy, because there seemed no reason to question it. After I was out of the church for twenty years, I found through church records, that Jeremiah had five wives and thirty children. The family geology record indicated three wives and eleven children. Also Jeremiah married one wife who was fifteen when he was fifty nine. I am convinced that was child abuse. He took her to Mexico during the end of polygamy years and deserted his other wives and many children. Many children were born after it was outlawed and Jeremiah did not ever support the other wives and children financially. All his wives had children, except one, who died soon after marriage. These marriages were temple marriages only, except for the first which was a civil marriage followed by a temple marriage. My great grandmother, Aurilla, was an herbalist and midwife and she and the first wife lived together with no outside help. He was forty seven and she was eighteen when he married her. She took care of those Mormon “whores” because no one would help them deliver infants and give them other medical help. She was threatened and had to go out at night to avoid being killed for helping them. Aurilla had to be a very “strong lady”, especially for those times.

PERSONAL LIFE HISTORY
Now to present day 1998. Aurilla’s genes are what I call my survival and beyond survival genes. I shall always be grateful to her for the courage she exhibited. I was born in Canada. My father was the only family member connected with the Mormon Church. My mother died when I was born, also a toddler brother died a few days later. My father left for California when I was an infant and married a “convert” to the Mormon church. I did not know or see him until age ten. He and his wife came to Canada and literally carried me away to California and Mormonism. It was more than JUST culture shock. I hated the church---it was all Joseph Smith history and I knew only Bible kinds of church teachings. I was baptized by coercion at eleven and sealed to my parents in Salt Lake City. My stepmother was the proxy for my deceased mother. Gradually the brainwashing, “good” activities and forced attendance, helped me adjust and survive in this new family and way of life.

SEXUAL ABUSE BY FATHER WHO WAS BISHOP
I was sexually abused by my bishop father. He died of cancer when I was 32. He never took responsibility for his abuse. He said, when as an adult I challenged him, “you have always been a woman.” I remember crying and saying, “I am your daughter”. There was no one to tell, even if I had tried. Now I am sure nothing would have changed anyway. I believe there were others who were also victims of him, but I cannot prove that. He died during the time he was bishop. My feelings were total relief when he died. He still pressured me even after I was married and had children, to have a relationship, which I refused completely. Yet the double message was always present. Besides being father, He was the priesthood holder and bishop.

FIRST MARRIAGE TO 5TH GENERATION MORMON
I had married young at nineteen. I was a Mormon reactivated with no mission, no real LDS training and a father in the bishopric. I certainly did not want to marry one of those “returned missionary types”. I wanted to join the Federal Nurse Corp. My stake president had a talk with me. He told me that my “mission” was to be married and have children for the Lord. He never knew about the abuse even though our families were friends. He did agree to marry me in a wedding chapel however not happily. I thank God I was not forced into the temple marriage at that time.

REVELATION OF INCEST
When twenty five years old, I finally told my bishop of my fathers abuse. His advice was “this does not affect your eternal progression, its best to not speak of it.” Big help! I was questioning a lot about the church. Teachers did not like me. I was“too disruptive”, for asking about the “mysteries”. I was against temple marriage because if the husband died, (world war two time period) the woman could not remarry. But she would be sealed to a husband she may have not known very well. I was always a problem to the “authority” figures. The church wants blind faith followers. I did not “need to know”, according to them.

ALCOHOLIC HUSBAND, DIVORCE AND MY THREE DAUGHTERS
I had the idea my first husband could “fix” me and we all know that never works for anyone. After twenty two years and three daughters, his alcoholism expanded and I divorced him. It was a very difficult time for my two adult children. My nine year old was not so affected by the divorce. The two older ones became alcoholics and are now in recovery. A long story of problems, but they are happy now. The oldest daughter, forty six years old, remarried and not to a Mormon. She has been inactive for nearly twenty years. My second daughter had two marriages to alcoholics. She is single and forty three years old. She just began a teaching career after finishing college. My youngest daughter, 36 always did well and is an obstetrical specialist and very happily married with no substance abuse problems. The two oldest daughters have not removed their names from church records. The youngest daughter left the church with us and was not active for several years before that time.

CHURCH EXPERIENCES AND CALLINGS
During those years in the marriage I had many church “callings.” SS, MIA, RS, Primary. As well as Stake positions. The double message of a family that “looked” ok but was rotten to the core. Just as my family of origin had been during my younger years. All this has taken a great toll on my emotional, physical, mental and spiritual health.

DIVORCE AND AL ANON
I went to Al-Anon in 1968 and that kept me from suicide. There was only one attempt in the late sixties. LDS church leadership failed over and over again in my life while I was in the church. When my calling to Stake SS came I explained that my first husband had developed a serious alcohol problem. It was affecting our family and I was considering a divorce. He was a daily drinker and it was disaster for our family including him. He was successful in his work but at home it was a disaster. It looked OK on the outside. Church leader advice was “just accept this calling into the Stake, and soon we will release you from your ward position and everything will work out.” Some advice and support! No one ever counseled our disintegrating family for over twenty two years.

SECOND MARRIAGE TO A NON MEMBER WHO JOINED
Later (26 years now) I married a man (Congregationalist). He did not really convert, but wanted our family (including my youngest daughter age 10) to attend the same church to strengthen our new family relationships. We were married in 1972 in a civil ceremony and again in 1974 in the Oakland, California temple. At the time we were both doubtful about the ceremony. I got a copy of the temple ceremony after we left California. Thank God for the Tanner research.

DOUBTS AND WRITTEN PROOF ABOUT MORMONISM
A different job for my husband came and we transferred to South Carolina for five years. After I got a written copy of the temple ceremony, I was horrified at the promises. The ceremony was so controlled including all the whispered directions. I was not really aware of what I had done. It was very traumatic for me. I believe here are NO accidents in this life and it became time for me to make some religious choices.

I had no real understanding of the Adam-God and early TRUE church history. That is NEVER taught in the church. Meanwhile I was called to more church jobs, including Relief Society in the Ward and Stake. I was always not quite as obedient and subservient as leaders and bishops liked, but they kept using me anyway. Always the manipulation of new callings, that was the answer to problems.

Meanwhile, the youth in South Carolina planned a temple trip. Lots of MIA problems with my daughter rebelling at attendance requirements. The Bishop refused our daughter her temple recommend for the temple trip. I was Relief Society counselor and my husband was ward clerk. I knew about getting teens to participate. Nothing was working well. Our family agreed on only attending Sacrament meetings, because our daughter was so unhappy in the ward. We also were becoming very disenchanted with the church as a whole organization.

FINANCIAL SCANDAL WITHIN THE WARD
Also there was quite a large scandal within the ward. Everyone knew about the actions of the Stake patriarch. I always guarded my daughter from him because of his “wandering hands” on the sisters. He especially publicly touched the young girls. He had taken investment money from several families. The businesses failed and many church members lost income and homes. It was awful. I was Relief Society counselor and the losses were extensive. Also, I was in a car accident while wearing my first and only garments. I thought then that the garments had saved my life. I even spoke about that publicly in Relief Society!

THREAT OF DIS-FELLOWSHIP FOLLOWED BY EXCOMMUNICATION
The Bishop,whose daughter did not attend MIA regularly, was given a temple recommend. This further alienated my daughter and other youth. I went to the Bishop to speak about our family. My husband felt the whole recommend bit was nuts anyway. We were full tithe payers all this time. Anyway during my talk with the Bishop, I was firmly threatened with dis-fellowship to be followed by excommunication.

I informed the Bishop he had to have more reasons for this type of action. My father and other bishops, even though long deceased, never behaved this way. This action was unheard of during my previous church experience. The Bishop also was pushing my husband for more participation. I guess that was the last straw that broke any feeling we had about LDS. We prayed for guidance for a month and continued to attend sacrament meetings. I kept my calling as did my husband. Nothing changed. My daughter grew more disenchanted.

ACTION OF LEAVING THE MORMON CHURCH
At the end of that month, we chose to leave the church and not attend at all. I never did contact the Tanners at Utah Lighthouse Ministry for more information about church history. They are a super resource, but I just wanted out. Now I want and have gained more information about early church history and changes. What an awakening! Reading Fawn Brodie's book “No Man Knows My History” the life of Joseph Smith is excellent. She was excommunicated, of course, for the work. She was an excellent historian of other people, not just Joseph Smith.

NAME REMOVAL AND END OF MEMBERSHIP
We moved to Arizona eighteen years ago with my youngest daughter and requested removal of our names from the church. We sent our letter signed by both of us. We were given instructions from church offices that Carl must write a release letter for me to leave. My feminine fury was intense. The response letter went out to church headquarters the same day we received it. It was a relief and I did not question the possibility of them keeping my name on the records in any form. There has been no confirmation of that request. So we are probably on their computer as Ex-Mormons. After all the count is important for the world to know about LDS. My oldest daughters and their father have been inactive for many years and have not requested name removal from the church.

RECOVERY FROM GUILT AND SHAME AS A MEMBER
In the West I worked with LDS families and others in child protective work. Many professionals covered up child and spousal abuse and still are accepted as professionals in our community. The abuse is still rampant. Information is available on the Alliance in SLC, the Tanners and on the internet. A case in point is Gerald Pond. The church got him out on bail. Also a $750 million suit in Beckley West Virginia. President Hinkley is more concerned about money spent on attorney fees to fight these cases than to stop the abuse. I have seen cover up first hand. This case needs to be made public. When abuse is too flagrant, counsel is offered by church professionals and often the family is “quietly moved out of the area.” I saw this happen more than once in South Carolina and California. The priesthood told me they “would take care of the matter, my job was done.”

SHUNNING BY MEMBERS WHO WERE FRIENDS
Also since we left the church, my neighbor who did grind my stored wheat, no longer speaks. An apostate is one who is not acknowledged in any way. She had requested my help to privately counsel her daughter. There were lots of family problems. The girl did exactly as she wanted, and there was cover up again of abuse, not proven of course. She was eager to be supportive of me and actively sought to reactivate our family. As the church began calling and pressuring, we decided to tell her we had our names removed. That was the end of even speaking to us. And that is the end of that. She is scared of an apostate, after all that “sin” is worse than adultery, abortion or whatever. Interesting that her daughter was taken by her for an abortion at age sixteen.

A stake President, who counsels professionally, barely speaks to me. I had considered him and his family as friends. As soon as the word got out from my neighbor that we had left, he has changed and is barely speaking when we meet. There is a lot more to tell about my professional and personal relationship with those who were past friends.

PEACE AND A GOOD LIFE AFTER LEAVING MORMONISM
So to go forth, we know “bad things sometimes happen to good people.” We are happier and more spiritual since leaving Mormonism. My relationship with my Mother/Father God is intensely satisfying at this point in my life. Now, I am very grateful for the internet and all the information available on it. If it had been available a few years ago, it would have helped me and our family a great deal when we were in the process of leaving. As well, it would have helped in the activity years to alert us of the facts. Those who participate are greatly blessed by Eric for starting this internet resource. Also the Tanners and other web sites now available.

CULTS AND MORMONISM
Forgive me for going on--there is lots to tell about my life over sixty nine years. Ages ten through forty five were inside Mormonism. I am totally convinced it is a cult. I am sure that Joseph Smith conjured the writings. He was a magician, brilliant, and charismatic, but also misguided. I also believe his United Order was pure Communism and that was another thing that I strongly objected to when it was taught. I am totally convinced it is a cult with cult like power, manipulation and control over members to keep them paying and getting “tickets” to go to the temple for more “ceremony”.

SOME MEMBERS ARE TORTURED THROUGH FORCED EXCOMMUNICATION
My friend who was a security guard to President Benson was excommunicated for being too “critical of leaders”. Granted there was probably more to it than that, but where does any “church” decide excommunication is important or useful for members? Where does President Kimball and his “forgiveness” enter into it all? Obey without question is the rule, and it must not be even challenged. The priesthood has spoken! The thinking had been completed. What utter nonsense.

PRIESTHOOD AND BROKEN PROMISES
There were many testimonies over the years of faithful obedience and garment protection that I saw fail miserably. Deaths of children. One young mother held an infant, who was fussing, between herself and the steering wheel. She lost control of the car and the baby died. She was “wearing the garments” and a member of a very faithful family. Another five year old boy died of leukemia. I heard of healing too, haven’t we all heard it over and over in testimony meetings?

THE TRUTH ABOUT THE TEMPLE CEREMONY
In any event, reading that forbidden temple ceremony, which has just gone through yet another revelation of revision, started me on the path to leave. There is more about our being rebaptized in the Christian faith, it did help all of us. I fully expected lightning to strike, especially when I allowed my youngest daughter to be baptized again in the Christian faith. But I am still alive and well. She is doing well. We are not active or members of any organized religion and we find that very spiritually comfortable. I never intend to join any church. My study is private.

This is much too long, and please feel free to copy and share this with anyone who might be interested. There is much more to tell, much of my story is being written into a book and I hope and pray it will help someone else to make their decision.

No one can do it for us. It took me years to leave, even with the foundation of early years that my precious grandparents provided for me. I firmly believe there are many paths up the mountain on this journey called life on the earth, but the view from the top is the same.

Many times I have slipped all the way to the bottom, only to begin again to get out of that deep valley. As we, and you seek, keep your faith strong, trust your Source, whatever that means to you and truly I promise you “All IS Well.”

Know you are welcome to express privately to me or not as you choose. I will pray for all people attempting to leave. I often agonize for those leaving with strong church active family, it is much more difficult. Most of my family are deceased. I do pray for many others and more important than anything else know our Source of strength is always there, just ask. It is hard work, but rewarding and well worth the time and effort.

Bless you for questioning, being willing, you are precious and unique and beautiful and loved far more than you may realize. Know you are strong and able.

Peace, love and gratitude, Maralyn
I may be contacted on the internet. Maralyn1st@aol.com