I'm grateful that at this time I have forgotten a lot of what happened
to me. I'm a 16 year old female. He's 18 now. At the time I was 15. He
was 17. I've been having a lot of emotional problems lately, actually
all the time since the things happened. I just wish I had never met
marc. He was in two of my classes this year. Advanced Drama and Madrigals.
marc did not rape me. That's part of the reason why I feel so stupid. I
would tell him no. But he would eventually work on me. He would push
the right buttons. Sometimes the wrong buttons. He would "pleasure" me
for a few minutes(if that) and then he expected me to pleasure him until
he climaxed. I would tell him no. But he would always keep going until
I would stop saying no and just let him have his way. He straddled my
face once. He expected me to perform oral sex on him. And I did. But he
tasted so disgusting and he was jamming himself down my throat. It hurt
so I stopped. He stayed in front of my face. He wouldn't move. I was
scared. I didn't have much of a choice. Either perform oral on him until
he came or give him a hand job until he came. I chose the hand job. He
came in my face. I remember it dripping down my face. Over my lips...
it was everywhere. I was so repulsed. After he came he moved off of me
and handed me a bottle of water that I had left in his car earlier !
in the week so that I could wash off. I got out of his car and started
washing off. Tears were falling out of my eyes. I never said yes to
what he did. I eventually started cutting myself again so that he wouldn't
be able to touch me.
Some of my friends online noticed a change in me. They somehow got me
to break up with him. He started dating a freshman. By this time he was
18. She's 14. I warned her. I told her that he used me and that he
wouldn't hesitate to use her. She started talking to me more and she
confided in me some of the things he would do. (Try and work her hand over so
that it was sitting on his penis, try and reach up her blouse and down
her pants) I told her that it wasn't going to get better, only worse. I
was right. Thankfully, this girl was smarter than I was. I confronted
marc about what he did to me. Over the internet, because I was too
chicken to do it in person. The most horrifying thing of all is that he
didn't learn anything. He's the exact same little boy he was. I don't know
if that girl and marc are still together. She told me they're not. I
feel so helpless against him. I'm still so afraid of him. I turn to jello
whenever I'm around him. I'm still dealing with a lot of emotions!
and trying to deal with what he did. Mostly, I'm mad about the fact
that he got away with this and he's going to continue getting away with
this. I would want to press charges. Except that I'm afraid that what
happened doesn't count and that I wouldn't be able to. Plus he's not
entirely to blame for it.
I'm trying so hard to be alright. But it just gets so hard. I hate him
so much. I hate myself too.
Thank you for listening to me. I'm sorry for rambling so much. thanks.
Nikki
(icq) 83201640
(aim) starryiiz
I was 17 years old when I was violently raped at the hands of three
unknown men. All I know is this raping in young children, men ,and women
has to stop. Please listen to my story, and understand what I am going
through.
I was walking down a dark road on July 4th, 2001 when I was approached
from behind by three strange men that I have never seen before. They
hit me voilently with weapons. I was hit from behind and to the side with
a steel chain. I fell to the ground and was picked up and thrown into a
fence by two men. I was then hung by my neck from the fence by a
leather strap. I stayed there for what seemed to be five minutes. They
reluctenly let me go and I felt something wet being coughed up onto my hands.
I was sure it was blood. The men now threw me to the ground and one man
sat on top of me and the other held my legs down. By this time I was
naked. The last man took the leather strap, wet it a little bit and
smashed it across my midsection several times. I screamed in horror and from
the pain. It left marks on my stomach that are so painful they bleed
alot from time to time now. I was then raped while being beaten. I ahve
never cried so much in my entire life. I wanted to die. The rest!
is concealed in a full story of mine that I have on file. If anyone
would like to read this story, please email me and let me know.
But, acts of violence aganist young children, men and women must stop.
We all need to come together and stop this. I need someone to talk to
about this, because I am afraid to tell anyone. I am afraid of what they
will think of me. I am forever scared.
Kamyron
march 23rd my freshman year was the day I learned what real
pain, fear, hate and sadness really where. First off I am a survivor of
rape. My name is Melanie and even through all the pain..I learned so
much about myself, my friends, and growing up. So onward with my story. It
was my best freinds birthday party and we all were drinking(illegal
yes) having fun and being well teenagers. Her older brothers friends came
around 10 to party with us. It was fun I was drunk and most of my
friends were to. Around 12 one of the guys asked if I wanted to take a walk
with him and his friend to his car cause he was leaving. I said sure I
figured he would just drop me off back at her house like he said...well
things changed. When the 3 of us got in the car he all of a sudden
remembered he got my friend a present that he left at his house. He asked
if i wanted to go get it with them and in my drunken lisp I agreed. We
got up to the apartment and he went in the other room and came ba!
ck to where i was standing. He reached for the door as if we were going
back but suddenly locked it and grabbed me all at once. He pushed me to
the floor and and punched me so hard across my face. His friend held
down my arms and touched my chest while the other one ripped off my
shorts and underwear. He then told me to stop making noise or he would kill
me and asked if I ever had sex before I screamed no leave me alone and
right after he pushed himself all the way into me and smiled. I had
never felt such pain in my life.When he was almost done he licked my lips
and said "i like the ones that bleed...." and to his friend said "its
your turn". His friend was about to repeat what the other just had done
but stopped and but somthing to cover my face and i remember him saying
this one is to young... at that point i knew i wasnt the only girl they
had done this to. He started to go inside me then stopped again and
once more said she is one of ----- friends i cant see is to small!
and he stopped. Well that wasnt good enough for the one who did act.
rape me so he did it again, and again and each time he did it he would
hit me more. I thought I was going to die. After the 3rd time he told
me to get up, put my shorts on and go to his car with him. he dropped me
off back at my friends house and speed away throwing the rest of my
clothes and a ciggrett in front of me. I didnt go to the police or my
parents just a good good friend. writting this is a big step for me. its
been a long time since it happened. I just graduated high school and
still I have dreams, have seen him 3 times since then...od corse i just
freeze when I do, and also I have major problems with relationships.
thanks you for letting me sare my story+
Melanie
My story is a little differant than many that I have read here, but it
is very embarrasing and painful none the less. Well, Mine actually
happend a few months ago. I'm a sophomore in college, and I was on a
vacation with a few friends from college and we were all getting ready for
bed. We were staying at someone's house for the night and were in
sleeping bags on the floor. In one of the bedrooms it was just myself and
another girl whom I didn't really know...she was a friend of another
girl on the trip. Anyways, it was late at night and I was being kind of
loud and hyper. She told me to shut up but I was being dumb and kept
on laughing and such. All of the sudden she jumped on top of my back
and slammed my head into the floor. She smashed my face into the carpet
so I couldn't even talk or breath. She then pulled down my pants and
shoved her fingers into my crotch. The whole time she kept saying "you
like that? Huh? Maybe next time you'll shut up when I tell you t!
oo." It felt like a long time while she was in me, but it was not very
long I'm sure. I was compleatly humiliated and it hurt. Her nails cut
me. I was like oh my god what is happening. After she had penetrated
me she smacked me in the back of my head and went back to her sleeping
bag. I just laid there shaking. I never told anyone. How stupid did
I feel. I was just molested by another girl. I know my being loud
didn't deserve that, but i still feel really dumb. I'm still a virgin and
have never even had a guy touch me there, let alone go inside me. I
forgave her though. It helps me to not be angry. Thats my story. I
just want to say that you are all amazing. No matter how "little" you
think what happend to you may be, if it hurt you it is a big deal. Please
don't blame yourself. You did nothing to deserve what happend to you.
You are taking the first step to recovery just by being here.
Congratulations, you're taking your life back!
melissa
