I already shared my story, it's on page 67 and my name is Jamie. I recently discovered that I am one of the many people who have repressed memories about abuse. I discovered this when I had a sudden memory of me and my stepfather. I don't remember the whole thing but I do know that we were in his car (I must have been about 4 or 5). The car was parked under I-95 in an empty lot. The expressway was overhead and it was a pretty deserted street. There was also rain, so it was pretty secluded. All I remember is crying and I had my arms around him. I also remember being on his lap. Although I'm afraid of what else there is to remember about that day, I would really like to know everything that took place, maybe someday I will. I also had another memory of me at about 3 years old. I see the memory as if I am standing in the room watching it. It is dark in the room (my parents bedroom) and he is sitting on the edge of the bed with me on my stomach lying across his legs. I didn't have any clothes on and his hand kept touching my butt. I also had the realization that my mother crawled into bed with me at night, not because my dad threw up (which is what she said) but to keep him away from me. I wish she could have done more than that, but I guess we all try our best with what we know. My final memory (it feels good to purge this) is of having something in my mouth that I didn't like. When I was mature enough to start having sexual relationships with men, I realized that a man's "hmm, hmm" in my mouth felt a lot like that memory. I'm really glad to be remembering all of this. It just started happening after I decided to check out this website and really deal with what happened to me. I hope it's okay to post these memories as they occur, because it's really good therapy and maybe other people can relate to what I have to say.

Jamie





I was raped during the fall of my freshman year in college by my stalker. I was assaulted by a friend that spring. Below are present tense accounts of each since I am doing this for counseling. Oh, I better get ready for class. if I don't leave soon, I'll be late. Darn it. I dwonder who's at my door. I don't see anyone. They're probably talking with someone else. I'm sort of curious about who it is. I open the door and am quickly pushed back into my room. Oh my God! What is going to happen to me? Somebody needs to help me! He is so angry! What did I do wrong? It's been a long time since I went to the police aout anything. My door slams. Surely someone hears it, but no one does anything. He slams me to the ground., and it hurts to hit the concrete floor. The concrete floor with a covering of carpet so thin that it might as well not be there. He is unbuttoning his pants, unzipping his pants, and he forces me to have oral sex with him over and over and over. Somehow I have no clothes on anymore. They are taken off. They are ripped off. I am pinned to the ground and straps of duct tape are across me. I cannot move. He holds a knife to my throat and tells me not to move, not to fight. My family flashes before my eyes. I need to stay calm. They don't know this is happening. I can't die today. I'm only 18 years old. I gag and gag, and he gets angry. He comes over and over again. Some on my breasts and some inside my mouth, and I gag some more. Below my waist he places a special lattice of tape, and he can and he does plunge over and over again, not penetrating, just plunging. Exactly why, I can't tell you. I can't see. I don't dare look. I stare at the ceiling in another room. I don't know where I am, but I am gone. I no longer see him. I feel him. I feel like I am dying inside, like he is killing me. But I don't move. There is a knife, and I can almost feel the blade. I can see it, and sometimes it comes close as he thrashes. My little sister is at home eating a snack right now. I hope my instructor's not mad at me for missing class. I hope my roommate doesn't come home and see me like this. How embarrassing this would be! He's pulling my hair and grabbing me tightly, slamming my head against the ground. Ow!! I have a headache, but still he keeps slamming! This hurts! Please stop! God where are you? Don't you care? I thought you were in control, but here I am, all alone. Is he on drugs? What did I do wrong? Maybe if I wasn't wearing tight clothes. It's over. His clothes are back on, and he is leaving. He doesn't say anything. I shake. Somehow I get up and get in the shower. I take a very long shower and still feel filthy. I hide my clothes and eventually throw them away. I never tell my roommate.

--------------------------------------------

Engineering is difficult. We spend so much time studying. I'm over at a friend's room. It's a Friday night. Most people are having fun, and we're studying. He has wine coolers. We shouldn't drink them, but we are anyway. It's the dorm, but it's also Friday night. As long as we are studying, everything should be fine. We are getting closer to being done and are drifting into conversation, drifting away from studying. He is getting drunk, but this is not the first time I've been around drunk people. He's a friend. I can trust him. Everything will be fine. He's helped me so much over the past few months. I'm being stalked, and things are bad, but he is good. He is putting his arm around me, and I am feeling scared. I start to move away, and he gets angry. He is not an angry person. I am feeling confused. I try to reason with him. I try to talk to him. This only makes him worse. He is feeling me all over. His hands are hot and horrible. He is touching me everywhere, and my body is betraying me. He must like me and just not be able to tell me. This is his way of showing me. Maybe if I like him back everything will be okay. I put my arms around him, and I don't like it. I feel my insides recoiling. Every part of me says this is horrible, but I pretend it isn't. I'm shaking, and he thinks I'm excited. "I knew you wanted this as much as I did." It's not want but fear. I'm scared to death. I can't believe this is happening again. He stops and tells me that he can't believe I'm such a slut. He is telling me to get the hell out of his room and to never come back. He is saying that he cannot believe I would lead him on like this. He just invited me over to study, and look what I did is what he is saying. My clothes are basically on, and I am leaving. I feel horrible, but this is not as bad as last semester. I was not raped, I was only assaulted. This is okay. I don't need to tell anyone. No one would believe me anyway.

This happened in the past, but when I have flashbacks, it feels like it's happening all over again. I'm working through all this, but it's not easy, and I think the ones who should have to go through the healing process are the assholes who did this. I should not be broken, but I am. I will not be broken forever though, because I am finally deciding to heal.



I want to say I am sorry about my spelling and grammar right off the bat. I have never told any one this before. I have never had the guts and after a while I just forgot about it. Then I started getting these flashbacks, I didn’t want any one to touch me and I wasn't able to sleep. The worst part is that I didn’t believe myself I thought how cloud someone forget that. What made me believe was finally being able to put the pieces together. I would rather not say I was rape or not because I still can’t except that. I am 14. It happened when I was 5 then when I was eight. So here is my story.

When I was five almost six I went up to see my grandparents for my grandmother’s 50th b-day. I got out of the pool to eat and when packing my change of cloths I 4got to pack underwear so my parents said to go with out but I didn’t feel right because I had to go all night like that so my parents asked my grandfather to help convince me it was okay. They finally were able to. That night I stayed at my grandparent’s house. My cousin fell and broke her arm so my grandmother went to stay the night with her she was in a lot of pain. So it was just my grandfather and I. He is my step-grandfather. My grandparents got divorce when my mom was 11. I was so sunburned I couldn't sleep. So my grandfather said he something to put on it that would make the burn go away. So I went in his room to wait for him. When he got there he shut and lock the door and he turned off the light so all that was on was this stupid night-light thingy that they had.

He put on the bed and told me to do what he said and not to scream. He then told me to lie down so I did. Then he had me hold up my dress up and not to let go of for my dress and not say anything. He then started to rub me down there and then he started to pinch me down there and I started to cry. Then he took a one of those gloves and put them on one hand and he out the glove in Vaseline and stuck his hand inside of me. It hurt so much that I scream and grabbed his hand. HE told me I was a bad girl and I need to be punished. I tried to get up and run but he put me back on the bed but this time he put me on my stomached and put my face in the blanket. Then he beat me with his belt. Then I tried to turn over but he stopped me and said I wasn’t done being punished. He then took a pillowcase and stuck it in my mouth so I couldn’t scream and tied my wrists together and then to the bedpost. The whole time I fought but the more I fought the more he beat me with his be! lt. He then put his dick inside of my ass and fucked me. He then thought it would be funny to me eat me out. I was five and didn’t no what was going on all I new was it hurt and it hurt a lot. After he was done and he untied me and carried me into the shower. I thought he would leave me alone but the time we were in the shower he had his dick in my mouth and he told me to suck on it like I was sucking a baby bottle I said no and bit he scream and got his belt and beat me some more then after he was done beating me he made me suck his dick. He then got me dressed it was about one in the morning and then he said if I ever said anything that no would believe me and if any did he would kill my family and me. Then he gave me something to make me go to sleep. The next morning I could barely walk he just told my parents that I got sick that night and I would be fine so we went home that day (we lived in another state at the time). He wouldn’t even kiss my goodbye but he did ! threaten me again.

The Next time I saw him I was eight years. Then he just rubbed and fingered me because my cousin walked in it was dark so he didn’t see anything. In 1996 he got put in jail four 9 months because he did the same thing to my other two cousins. No one ever asked me if he did it to me so I thought no one cared.

I lived in the same house with him for three months after he got out of jail but he never touched me. He moved in September of 1997 and my grandmother just got the Dovice to go though. I still live in the house where it all happened and every time I step in the house I get the chills. I got angry at the world then my self and I started cutting my self when I was 13. I have trebalie anxiety attacks about everything. I have no self-esteem. I worry about everything. I am going to be in 10th grade in September and I am an honor student. I have friends but none that I trust. I don’t date. I panic whenever anyone mentions the word molested or rape. I want to start heeling but I don’t no how. If anyone has any suggestions or just want to chat e-mail me

Erica Lynn



I've been looking around a lot of rape sites lately... I'm 19 right now, and at the time, I was 16, and the one who did this to me was... 19, I believe. It involved a guy that I never really liked. He's a moron, he's manipulative, he's hurtful. He's the first--and only--person to ever call me a nigger, which I still haven't forgiven him for, even though it happened about four or five years ago. A stupid nigger, at that. He's the only person I can safely say that I hate. But I'm getting ahead of myself here, I haven't even gotten into why I hate him. First things first, I lost my virginity at fifteen to him. I don't know why I did. I guess it was just something I wanted to do at the time. I was young(er), and sex was everywhere. Well, it wasn't the last time we had sex. We did it a few times after that. Before I go on, I have to make this clear: We were NOT a couple. I truthfully couldn't stand the guy, but I felt sorry for him at the same time. He's pathetic, in my opinion. He doesn't have many friends, and I guess I figured I'd keep him around to give him one more person to talk to.

I talked to him on and off until a little more than two years ago. It was January 28, 1999. A Thursday night. I was talking to him on AOL, and we got into talking about him coming over. Partially so he could get the books he'd lent me, partially for talking to me to see why I'd been so depressed, and partially for... well... use your imagination. I told him to be here at around 11:30, a time when both Mom and Dad would be at work. So it was set--he left, I waited. He called before he got here.

During the time between when he left and called, I had been pacing the entire length of the apartment, thinking to myself, trying to decide whether or not I was doing the right thing. I know I wasn't--but hindsight is 20/20. Well, he said some stuff, I don't remember exactly what, because that wasn't important. But I told him that I didn't want to do anything, and I know he understood. He hesitated for a moment, then simply said "I'll see you when I get there" and hung up. Nothing else. Just *click*. I remember those words exactly they still send the same chill down my spine that they did at the moment I first heard them. So I got worried. When he got here, he went straight to my room. My little brother was home, asleep I couldn't start yelling at this guy who was in my room. My brother has a big mouth, and would most definitely tell Mom and Dad that there was a guy in my room when they weren't home. Anyway, I followed him into my room, and we started to talk. It wasn't bad until he pulled me back onto the bed and started rubbing me. It wasn't hard or forceful, and I did like it, but I protested. After all, I HAD told him that I didn't want to do anything, right? So I told him no, several times. They may have come out weak, but I know he heard me, because he responded. He didn't listen. He kept doing what he was doing, getting me aroused and pushing the right buttons. I couldn't see anymore--I mean that literally. I felt hot and dizzy, I couldn't will myself to move... And after a few minutes, his little plan worked I gave in, and we did wind up having sex that night.

I haven't quite been the same since. I feel betrayed, both by him and by myself. But mostly by myself. I told him he could come over, and I couldn't stop him, therefore I was to blame, right? Well, I sort of realize now that that isn't true, but back then I obssessed over it. I asked myself all the time, "Was I raped? Did he rape me?" I hated myself, cut myself, and kept to myself for a long time afterwards. And to top it off, I got a boyfriend shortly after the whole incident, and I constantly felt... something... I don't know what it was. But I cried in front of him all the time. For a long time, I was suicidal. I constantly thought about killing myself, slitting my wrists... but I could never do it.

I still get the urges to hurt myself, and lately, I've been so depressed over this. I haven't gotten any help yet. I've spoken to friends about it, but that's all. The boyfriend thing didn't work out--in fact, that breakup hurt me even more. I haven't been with anyone since. I have a problem with getting close to people. I don't know what to do anymore.

CJ
ICQ:119094210
AIM:ChrisJosie
MSN:CJ



Hi my name is kim and i live in illinois! and i was a victom of rape, and sadly the first person i told almost 3 years l8er was the guy i had very deap relations with. and then it got around the sholl and then last year in 7th grade some rumor was spred and then everybody was telling me that i wasn never raped and i was like ok think w/e you wanna think! and it just hurts me to think that any one would want to hurt someone like thati mean i was only 10 there are a lot of people that helped me recover and here is shrt list of them: Emily C(not my friend no more)-Amy A(not my friend no more)- my sixth grade teacher Ms B- My schools G councler- Martyna-Teri-Sammy-SIDRA-my x-bf(the rapist)-My sis- my mom-al of my stuffed animals and so on and so forth thise arent even all the people so i hope my shot (real short) story will help people realize that it is a very bad thing if you take advantage of it im me @ LilBrat7855

Kim
AIM: LilBrat7855



Hello, this has to be the most scariest thing that has happened to me. I'm 17 and I was raped by my ex-boyfriend 3 months ago. Ok...here's my story.. On March 4, my boyfriend(Owen)and I broke up because I caught him and another girl at his house kissing on his couch! That really pissed me off and that's how he became my ex. Our relationship was over like a snap! I didn't say a word to him afterwards either. Nor did he. So, therefore..I found a more caring and hot guy (Blaine). We were great couple too. We dated for 2 1/2 months and will probably last even longer, because we were getting along so well. We had everything in common, born in the same hospital, love the same cars, and the same music which is Rock, Punk, and Techno. I never had a single thought about my ex when I'm with and without Blaine. That all changed when I came home from a party with couple of friends. I wasn't trashed or wasted because I don't do drugs and I never touched an alcholic drink in all my life. (Never will either). Anywho, when I got home, I went upstairs to my room and walked into the bathroom. I got out of my clothes and took a nice bubble bath. I got out and changed into something skimpy to go to bed in, which was a "Limp Bizkit" t-shirt I got from the concert and regualar undies. I came out of the bathroom and I heard my door creek and I looked to see if someone was there, but no one..I shrugged and went over to my closet to put my shoes up. Then, I heard my door creek and slam shut. I jumped and turned around quicky. It was my ex, Owen. I turned to him as he smiled. "What the hell are you doing here?"I asked furiously. "Aw nothing, I just missed you, that's all", he answered. "You know...you are full of shit, you know that?", I asked. He just smirked and smiled. I started pushing him out of my room, then he grabbed me by my arm and slammed my back against the wall. "What's wrong with you?", he asked. "No! What's wrong with you coming into "MY" house, then up to "MY" room?", I replied asking him. He grabbed me by my waist and started kissing me. I bit his tongue and he jerked hisself away from me. He grabbed my neck and slammed me against the wall. "Let me go.", I commanded. He smiled and started kissing me. "Stop it, Owen! I have a boyfriend", I said pushing him away. "So, what!", he said. Then, started kissing me again. "No! Owen stop!", I yelled. He started touching me between my legs. "Move! Stop it!", I replied. He looked down and slid his hands in my panties. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom. "C'mon, for old time sake", he suggested. I looked at him evily. "You are one sick fuck, you know that?", I asked him. He shook his head and out of no where he slapped me. I fell to the ground and whiped the blood from my mouth. He grabbed me up and crossed my wrists together above my head, pinning them to the wall. He flipped out his pocket knife and ran it between my chest. "Now, we can do this the easy way...or the hard way..take your pick, bitch.", he urged. I didn't say a word. "Ok..you want the hard way..", he said dragging me to the bed by my arms. "No! Let me go!", I yelled. He threw me on the bed and took off his shirt. He got onto the bed. I sat up. He laid me down on the bed and started taking off my panties. "No, Owen, stop!",I said. He pulled me toward him and we were face-to-face. "Look! Shut the fuck up if you know whats good for you! You hurt me...now I'm gonna hurt you!", he said making the most evil face ever! Tears started rolling down my face when he started cutting my shirt open with his knife. He stripped me until I was plain nude. Then he took off his pants and put on the condom. I wrapped myself up with the blanket. "Nuh uh uh!", he said shakin his finger no. "You're mine!", he yelled. He crawled up to me and snatched the blanket off of me. He grabbed one of my plush toys and stuck it in my mouth. He grabbed my legs and spread them as he pulled me towards him. I shook my head no as I cried. He leaned towards me and started kissing me. I sqirmed and cried. He grabbed his knife and aimed it between my legs. "Make a move...and I will too", he said. He got between my legs and entered me. I started to cry out loud. He went in and out, in and out, harder each time. I started crying out loud and I sat up as he rammed his self into me. I grabbed the plush toy out, but I was scared to scream. I couldn't do anything. I then hugged onto him. "Oh my god! Stop it! Stop it! Owen, please! You're hurting me so bad! Please stop!", I pleaded. His back was wet from the sweat and he kept ramming me as I cried. I punched on his back weakly for him to stop. "I'm sorry..I'm sorry",I said. But he kept going. I scratched his back with my nails, but that didn't do any good. Owen started breathing really hard and he finally stopped. He pushed me off of him and I wrapped myself up with the blanket. I cried and cried. He got dressed and walked over to me. "Remember..tell anyone this happened...and you think what just happened hurted?", he said. He zipped his pants up and walked out the door. I got up and turned on nothing but hot water. I took a scolding bath anyway and couldn't get what had happened out of my head. I told no one at all! Not even a specialist.

Maile



i am a 26 year old female. the only thing i remember of my childhood is being hurt. my brother and i were sent to live with my uncle and aunt when I was four, he was six. Our uncle was in the military and wasn't home a lot. Our aunt found a lover in which she is married to today. he had beaten us and molested me. I thank god that I don't remember much, in fact the only time I remember is when my brother walked in. He had told our grandmother and she got us removed from them. We were sent to a foster home. When I was eight both my brother and I were adopted. We had hopes of a new life. Soon after, our "father" had started to touch me, and then he would tuck me in at night. We would go skinny dipping."our Parents" were from Germany and I guess this is normal there. Anyway he would touch me in the pool. I remember one day going into school, I was in third grade, and i was in such pain down there from the night before, that it hurt to sit down. I didn't have many friends,and to this day it seems it is getting harder to find good friends. He had done many things to me, took pictures, paid me to do all of this. I was his toy. I remember going over to a frriend of thiers house for a party and thier son had touched me. My "father" had seen it and later on he asked me about it.This abuse from my "father" had gone on til the day before my 15th birthday. That was when I promised myself that I wouldn't go through it again. I have been in abusive relationships, and been with people just so I wasn't alone. Right now I am truly in love with a man, who happens to be quite a bit older. He takes good care of me and he has helped me go on with my life. It is really hard, but at the moment all I want to do is get my story out there, at least some of it. It hurts to write this, but I know it will help. thanks for reading and you are not alnoe there are many people who have been hurt, we need to unite and be strong for happiness is ahead.

tina



The emotional and verbal abuse from my parents and brothers has been going on for as long as i can remember. The physical and sexual abuse started when i was ten, and has been going on for the past ten years. i am now 19.

At home i have always been the black sheep in the house. i practically took over bringing up my little sister, who is now 13. i was 6 when she arrived, and as soon as she was six months old, my mom left her in my care. When i went to school, my sis went to daycare in the mornings and i would pick her up there and walk her home after school. When she became the little girl pulling and yanking at everything (age 2) i was the one that got punished for it. i had to provide lunch in the afternoons for me (7), my two brothers, (9 and 3) and my sister(1). Then i had to clean the house, and have everything in place when my mother arrived at four o'clock. So i basically became a 7-year-old grownup.

If i cried when my parents punished me with a hiding or extra work, they always told me it's not necessary to cry, or they punished me more for crying. i usually got another hiding that sometimes left bruises on me. My mom once broke a wooden spoon on my brother, and since then never punished him hard, but always let it out on me. However, they never beat me up or seriously assaulted me.

Abuse by 2 so-called "friends" from school started when i was ten. One of them was a guy, the other one a girl. They were the same age as i. The first time he raped me was in the beginning of February 1992. We (me, he & she) went swimming at his house. Afterwards she said she'd dress in the bathroom, and he showed me where to dress. I went into the room, and as i was starting to get dressed he came in and started shoving my around. He began fondling me, and it was absolutely disgusting, he also licked me between the legs. He shoved me so that i fell, and the next thing i know he was on top of me. He pushed my legs apart, and when i cried out he told me to shut up and held his hand over my mouth. Then he raped me. As he was busy, she came in, but couldn't understand what was busy happening as we were young. She blamed me, and from then on i believed it was my fault.

The second time we were at her home with her birthday party in June that same year. In between, he just continued shoving me around very chance he got. I was sleeping over at her home, and i was going to her room to get a jersey from my backpack because it was winter here. As i was turning around he came into the room and closed the door. He shoved me into the bed so that my back got permanently damaged, and i still have back problems now, ten years later. He raped me again, and again i believed i did something wrong. I slept on the bed where he raped me that night.

After that he continued to abuse me at school, and shouted crude remarks to me and told stories about me. I never told my parents, HOW COULD I IF THEY WERE ALSO ABUSING ME? When spring came, we went swimming at her grandfather's home nearly everyday. If i didn't go it gave them reason to be mad at me the next time, and then they hurt me worse.

The first time we went to swim there, he came into the room as soon as we closed it and started undressing. I tried to get past them, but she locked the door and took the key. Then they both grabbed me. She held my hands above my head while he raped me. Sometimes they did this up to five or six times in one day's time. If she didn't hold my hands above my head, they would tie me to the bed and she'd torture me by hitting me with things, and then he'd rape me.

That kept on for about four years, then we went to different schools, and saw each other less often. Many times, if i started crying while he was raping me, he would threaten to suffocate me, and put his hands on my throat. so i just kept silent. They would grab me by my hair and drag me across the room by my hair. If he didn't come for one or other reason, she just kept on abusing me, never listening to my plea's. Lots of times, she would also "rape" me by sticking other things like pens or knitting needles or even bottles of roll-on inside of me, while i'm tied to a bed with my arms and legs spread as far apart as possible.

After a year of being in seperate schools, he came to my school. i almost never saw her again. i ignored him, because i thought he'd stop. Earlier he always said it was my fault for being naughty and she said it was because i wasn't a good friend. I always believed them.

On April 30, 1997, i got raped by a stranger behind a church hall. I was only 15. i had been attending exercize classes on Wednesdays, and i was sitting outside the hall afterwards tying my shoelaces. The guy came from behind and held a pistol to my head, then told me to do exactly what he said. I did. He lead me around the back of the church hall, and told me to lick his dick. I was too scared to move so i didn't do it, and he became mad. He raped me, beat me up, and then raped me anally also. Because i learned that, i just let him finish, and kept quiet the whole time. He left me just like that and i never saw him again.

After that the guy i knew started shoving me around and beating me as often as he saw me. He tore my ligaments in my wrist twice in a little more than a year's time, and kept on raping me every chance he got. I still didn't tell anyone, and hid the bruises any way i could, mostly by wearing long-sleeved clothing.

I worked for our school's security team, who locked and unlocked the school gates in the mornings and afternoons, or after school functions. We also looked after cars at school functions, but normally a guy and a girl worked together for safety purposes. One such night we were watching cars and the boy with me heard something at the other side of the schoolgrounds. He went to look, and in the time he was away, 'he' raped me again. When the other guy came back i was sitting against a tree, hurting and frightened beyond relief, so i got sent home.

In between there was other incidents as well, but i won't go into detail. Near our home there's an open piece of land with long grass, and he has raped me there a couple of times too.

In 1999 my parents went overseas for a month while i had to take care of my siblings. In that month he also raped me twice, and attacked me four or five times. Last year when i tried to defend myself, he broke my wrist.

The last time he raped me was June 16th, because i had to go and buy stuff for the holiday, as i am home alone. It happened so fast, but it was really painful. He forced anal and normal intercourse, which was quite disgusting for me.

I didn't write this out so that people can have sympathy for me, i only wrote it because it's a statement that i'm a survivor! I would like any correspondence whatsoever at mabodie@hotmail.com

If anyone out there agrees with me about not being a victim, but a survivor, feel free to e-mail me. Also people who have maybe learned something out of my story, feel free to e-mail me. I promise i will reply to every e-mail.

Mabodie@hotmail.com



Hi (my name is not important) but here goes my story. I am 15 now. I was raped when I was 14. My best friend asked me to go to a movie with her and then I was gonna stay the night at her house. We went and seen Dr. Doolittle then her brother Rocky came and picked us up. He was 19 at the time. Well he picked us up and dropped us off at her house. There was no one home except us. Her dad didnt live there and her mom was working. Well we started watching a movie when the phone rang and it was my friends mother, she said that something had happened to one of the workers at her work and that she wanted Angela (my best friend) to go with her to the hospital and that she didnt know how long it would be. Angela told me to stay home and wait for her brother to come home, so I did. Her mom came and got her then her brother came home like 20 mins after they left. I told him what happened and he told me everything would be okay. I was sitting in a chair and I had my legs crossed because I had on a short skirt. He was sitting right next to me and started feeling on my legs. I told him to stop but he didnt. I stood up and went to walk away from him and as I did he pulled me by my arm and made me sit on his lap. He then put his hands between my legs and tried to pull my undies off. I got up and started running and the only place that was closest was the stairs. I ran up the stairs and ran in a room and locked the door hoping that Angela would be home soon. I sat in a corner not knowing what to do and relized that it was his room I ran into. He had a key and unlocked the door. When he came in I was in the corner with my hands over my face. He picked me up and threw me on the bed. I tried to get up but he pulled me by my ankles closer to him and ripped my undies off. I was still a virgin that time and when he shoved into me I thought I was going to die. I tried and tried to fight him off and I told him to stop so many times but he was so much bigger that there was nothing I could do. I dont know how long it was but when he was done he told me not to tell or he would do it again only worse. I went and took a bath and stayed in until Angela got home I didnt tell her a thing that happened. A couple weeks passed by and I didnt get my period, then I remembered he didnt use a condom. I was pregnent at the age of 14. I had a baby girl at the age of 15 and I love her so much. I dont regret at all having her. She is my life. But I dont know what im going to tell her when I get older. (I was raped when I lost my virginity and got pregnant, your father is my best friends brother). He knows hes the father but I still havent told anyone what happened and everyone thinks that i dont even know who the father is but I do bacause I only had sex one time and it was against my will. Im living on my own now with my beautiful baby girl who is only 6 months and I will get by. I am a survivor. I hope people who read this will understant what happened to me and that they will learn to survive too.




 
 
 
 
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