Frequently Asked Questions

That's right, folks. I got your answers right here. If you think I need to add something, please let me know.  Otherwise, here are answers to the questions I am most frequently asked. Hence, the FAQ.



Why did you make this website?
To tell my story and to let others know that they are not alone. The site began in July of 1998 and went through several different layouts before I settled on this one. It has appeared pretty much like this since January, 1999.

Why does the site focus around Tori Amos?
Because it was Tori's music that helped me deal with my past. I don't worship her, but I have an incredible amount of respect for her as a musician, woman, and survivor. She gave us a gift with RAINN, and I wanted to give something back.

How did you end up appearing on 20/20?
I got an email from a story producer. I called her and we spoke about my story and my website. She had an idea for a story about Tori Amos and rape survivors, and I agreed to appear on the program. We filmed it in November of 1998 and it aired in February of 1999, and again in June of 2000. You can read more about it here.

Who are you?
My name is Shannon. I am a 23 year old law student. You can read a whole lot more about me here.

What are your qualifications?
Well, first and foremost, I am a survivor. I have been through this and know a lot about it. Outside of that, I am a trained domestic violence advocate, have degrees in psychology and human services, and have a lot of training in peer couseling. I don't claim to be a mental health professional, but I offer what I can. (Note: I can't give you legal advice.)

Can I link to your site?
Of course! I would be honored if you would link to me. If you would like the favor returned, email me and let me know. If you have a well-done site with new information, a link will definitely be provided.

Do you have banners I can use to link to you?
Yes! You can find them here.

You never replied to my e-mail. Do you not like me or something?
I assure you that it's nothing personal. I read and appreciate ALL email I am sent. Sometimes I get busy, physically or emotionally, and am not able to reply to everyone (guys, I'm in law school!). First priority goes to people in emotional need of a reply. Please remember that I am a real person with a lot of commitments.  

Of course! I would be honored if you would link to me. If you would like the favor returned, and let me know. If you have a well-done site with new information, a link will definitely be provided. Yes! You can find them .

In the meantime, I have provided you with someresources to get support from other survivors who visit this website or other survivor sites. Barbados and its sister sites maintain a messageboard where lots of great people post. This site also has a mailing list that you can join. Last but not least, try the Peel out the Watchword chat room.

I just want someone to talk to, advice, help, etc....can I e-mail you?
Yes, please do. I will get back to you as soonas I can. You can also find support by posting at the messageboard Another way to find people to talk to is to join Still I Rise or Invincible Summer, mailing lists for survivors at the beginning of their healing process or further along and looking for support.

I am feeling suicidal. What should I do?
There are things you can do. Get yourselfin a safe place. Call RAINN (1-800-656-HOPE). Call a friend and have him/her stay with you. Distract yourself.  A good website to go to is Suicide: Read This First.  Remember that you are loved and needed here,even if you don't feel that way right now. 

There is also a list of crisis numbers and onlinehelp that you can find by clicking here.

Can I have my story/poetry put on your site?
Unfortunately, Barbados is closed to submissions of stories poetry. For now, please share your poetry on the messageboard.

Can I use part of your site in my paper/pamphlet/program?
Ask first. The contents of this site are copyrighted. The point of this site is to spread the word. However, I will likely grant permission if you state my site as your citation. The only exception here are the survivor stories and poetry. You may NOT reproduce them in any way. They belong to the author. I cannot contact them for you to ask permission, but you may contact those who provided an email address.

I do ask that you let me know when barbados is cited by you.

Can I use a portion of your site on my website?
No. I put a lot of work into this site, and instead of using part of it, please link to me instead.

Are you available for interviews?
It depends on when you contact me. Sometimes I have time, sometimes I do not. Please email me and ask, and I will let you know if I can.

Do you need help maintaining Barbados?
I like maintaining the site on my own, but I appreciate the offer a lot. If I ever feel I need help, I will post it on the site.

Hey! I know you in real life! Should I ask you about this site?
Well, that depends on my relationship with you. If I gave you this link, it's likely that I am comfortable with you understandingthis part of me. If you stumbled upon this site and you had no idea I was a survivor, there is probably a good reason I haven't shared this with you. Keeping that in mind, I am ALWAYS available to talk to you or discuss the site with you, as long as you bring it up in the proper setting and in a mature fashion. If you are slimy and searched to find dirt on me, congratulations, you found it! Don't you feel great?

Hey, Tori, I really like your music and think you are amazing.
I am not Tori Amos. It amazes me how many people think I am.

Do you really know Tori?
Yes, I have spoken with Tori on several occasions since I met her filming 20/20, and I have been to a lot of her shows. She knows who I am and she knows about and supports this site.

Can you deliver a message to Tori for me or tell me how to reach her?
Sorry, but I can't. The best way to get a message to Tori is by passing it to a security gaurd (Joel or Steve will make sure she gets it) or at a meet and greet when she is on tour and stops in your area. Check thedent to see if she is on tour. I do not know how you can reach her when she is not on tour. If you really want to write her, please do...writing it all down can be very therapeutic. Then hold onto the letter until you can get it to her or keep it in a journal.

The island of Barbados is beautiful. I can't believe you would name your site after it. I don't understand.You should change it. Why did you do it?
I don't like getting emails from people who say this because it is obvious they didn't bother to read my site and understand it. So I will describe it here in the simplest terms I can. Tori Amos wrote a song called 'Me and a Gun'. The song is about surviving rape. In the song, she sings, "but i haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this." The site is named after this. It does not mean I was raped in Barbados, it does not mean Barbados is a dark and dangerous place. In fact, it has nothing to do with the island at all. Don't tell me my site hurts tourism or that I need to change the url or that you are going to sue me. If anything, the title is very positive - listen to Me and a Gun by Tori. I will not change the title of my site, ever.PLEASE don't email me about this AT ALL. Actually, you can, and I will forward it to my friends and we will laugh at you. Any intelligent person who takes the time to read my site and think will not interpret the title as anything but what it is meant. Spare me your emails about this. Believe it or not, I have better things to read. (if this sounds angry and bitter, it is because I am. I have gotten so many rude and thoughtless emails about this. One bright individual even told me that he felt "raped" because of the title of my site. Nice wording, my friend. I'm a nice person, really I am. These emails just piss me off.)

I don't like the layout/colors/images on your site.
I do.
 

...E-Mail me

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