I try to crack my glass cage,
My heart works the street for minimum wage,
I still here all alone,
My cotton queen won't come to the phone.
I hate that stupid bitch,
She flies around but I'm the witch,
Boys and fun and freedom are her's,
Cigarettes and booze are mine for sure.
I told you this is a tale from hell,
I told myself there's nothing to tell,
Why should I hate her when she is me,
I hate that bitch 'cause she is free.
June 3, 1999
Nicole
N.
Tales from the Glass Box Part 6 (always in me)
Ordinary day
and i'm inspired to do nothing
but you're still here
i watch la diva belt it out
sweet, sweet love
and you come back
and i don't think you'll ever
leave
what i would give
what i would sell
what i would do
what i would say
all to make you
go away
it's not fair
you and me
i didn't choose you
why did you choose me
and why won't you leave
i think i got you stuck
in my head
your essence
your sweaty foul
smelling breath runs
and seeps and flows
through my core
i've tried some wine
i've tried some blood
i've tried some empty beds
i've tried insanity
i've tried everything
and used everyone
to make you leave
i never choose you
but you choose me
and now you'll
always be inside me
June 10, 1999
Nicole
N.
i'm a miserable beast
but so is she
my other she
the one who is the clown
everyone thinks i'm crazy
and the doctors say they're right
but my audience thinks i choose my insanity
but sean knows other ways
of getting it
i've gotten nothing on the good doctor
do this, do that and you'll feel better
but just to make it worth the effort
one more nail in the box
you'll appreciate your victory so much more
onward fairie soldiers
is what i tell my friends
and if they think i mean it
then well, it's true what clown says
but babydoll is tired
'cause she'll never be a babydoll
instead a ratty old chew toy
in a dusty ol' glass box
i'm far away from you right now
the fairie net is closed
(what if baby bro sees some porn!)
and if i say why i need my fairies
well then it's time to cough
up the clown's real nose
wouldn't papa love it
baby girl ain't a baby
and mama would think it grand
after all, she sent me there
so i'll float in my glass box
and prick myself with needles
shooting up water
and trying to set everyone else free
this is a long one
but it's so boring in the glass box
i think you get used to it
unless until you realize
just where you are
and who put you there
(thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou
thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou
oh god thankyou thankyou what a lovely pair of skates
let's play some spoons thankyou thankyou thankyou
what a nice ass you have thankyou thankyou hi daddy
i love it here thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou
oh dear G.O.D. from the bottom of my glass box
i thank you . . .)
June 11, 1999
Nicole
N.
You made the bed he forced me to sleep in
The freshly wind-blown sheets that were filled
with the pure air of outside
That soon were stained with the shame and guilt
that can never be cleaned
The soft and gentle cloud like feel
of the pillows in there cases
That silenced the screams of pain and agony
that will never be silent
The hand made quilts that were passed on
from mothers to their duaghters
That covered the daughter passed on
to her father by her mother
I laid in your place in the bed
where I was made and took your positions
All those drunken nights
I was your child and I was your escape
Now no longer a child and no longer your daughter
Lay in the bed you have made for yourself
Anita
she's turning like milk,
sour and non-potable.
i hear her life like through a bad movie.
all the boys in her big girl pants
and the men in her little girl
tuesday panties.
ant to scream at her
to make her face herself
instead of hiding behind rocks,
playing the little girl games
to keep the little boys baited with her
phony moans of pleasure.
hurts to know she's me all over again.
i keep telling her
"no you're not 'over this' yet!!"
she crawled out of the hole into the light,
but forgot to look away from the sun to see.
how much she means to me. i wish she knew
how much i see her. i love you girly.
Char.
ETERNAL PAIN
Raped ,beaten, taken from me,
Body streched out, hand and knee.
Blood on the door, blood on the wall,
Eyes open wide,though nobody saw.
Her life is gone, her life is lost,
His short pleasure, at such a great cost.
One life, two lives denied,
A second soul awaking inside.
A son, a legacy, and things unseen,
My hope, my soul, and my dream.
Two lifeless bodies,one slain soul,
One dark heart, black as coal.
He'll never know, just what he had took,
Closed casket, closed life, and closed book.
Her last night, and nothing to gain,
my ball, my chain, my eternal pain.
Josh
Holbeck
AOL IM: lynx4you
Each pair of eyes filtered through me,
my heart,scarred by verbal war,
responded with paranoind frenzy
Attacking them like sharks.
My hands felt sticky,
I knew friction was displeased, and caused
more sweat to swell,
and bleed from my pores.
I was more than a sore thumb, I was a broken,
swollen, battered thumb.
But my soul was tough like leather,
I survived being raped,
having the tendons of my dignity
stripped slowly from my bones.
Bones that were sore from growing, and
tendons, not built for being torn apart.
I think I'll survive this.
So look upon me, and judge, and spy.
I'm quite content with your assumptions
and I'm afraid I'll never comply.
You may be strong, but I am stronger,
my spirit is like a castle, built brick by brick,
and heavily armed.
l take my seat among you,
and hold my head high,
this day is like a record,
and I've written it down in my mind.
Ashray
You ask me if I am tired.
What can I say to that?
Your gentle ears need not hear of the nightmares that forbid my sleep.
You ask me if things at home are well.
Wat can I say to that?
Your gentle ears need not hear of the struggles that go on there.
You rub your fingers along me arm.
You ask me if I've been feeling abused.
What can I say to that?
Your gentle hands need not know of the pain that they are capable of
causing.
My dear, you know I worry about you.
I fear one day I will answer truthfully.
You gentle heart will break.
You ask me how I am doing.
I smile gently "I'm doing fine."
SLC
Cobalt 8
The room was cold, but
his lips were warm. His lips moved across my cheek
to my neck where he opened his mouth and bit me
hard. I pushed him back. He said "Come on, I think
you're pretty. And you really turn me on"
I told him we couldn't have sex. He seemed surprised
I never thought kissing a boy meant
That you had to sleep with him. He said I was a tease.
Looking at me like something he had to control.
I told him I was a virgin.
He kissed me again I kissed him back
His hand went under my shirt
He squeezed my breast and then removed my bra. "You
make me so hot" he said. "No" I told him.
I asked him if he had protection "No".
He said he knew magic
that could keep me from getting pregnant.
"No" I said. His hand went into my pants.
"I want to please you" he said "I just want to make
you feel good, I like pleasing women" We kissed again.
I felt his teeth on my neck, his finger
inside me. "You won't get pregnant" "No" I said.
He took off his pants. "Look what you do to me" he
said and called me a tease. "You can't make me feel like
this and not have sex with me." I told him
I wanted my first time to be when I was in
love. That didn't stop him. He said it would
be cool to take my virginity. I was lying
flat on my back. He undid his pants, getting
on top of me. Undoing mine. I said no, squirming away
His body lay on me. Arms around me like a vice
Cathy
AOL IM: ToriVamp
I turn my head
Pretend to sleep
Pretend to die
Anything·
God, please
Just leave me alone.
Not now.
Not again.
Why me?
Please, not me.
Youâre hurting me
I can feel my blood on my leg.
Get off of me.
Donât want to feel
Your heavy breath
Donât want to hear
Your soft moans
(Donât do this to me)
You must know
I donât love you.
I donât want you.
So why must you have me?
Afterwards.
I sit.
Dirty and ashamed.
Scared and alone.
I can smell you in a way
That no soap can remove.
I can feel you
In anotherâs touch.
I can hear your words
Deep in my mind.
So I sit.
I sit.
And wait.
For you to come again.
Two Years Later.
Iâm still afraid
I can still feel
Your hands on my body.
I lay in bed
Too scared to move
So sure youâre there
Right behind me.
But·
Only in my mind.
I hate myself
For being scared.
I hate you
For scaring me.
I hate the system
For not caring.
I hate the people who love me
For caring too much.
And not understanding
That I feel you with me
Every hour of every day.
Why wonât you go away
Jenifer
The Verdict
At first, there was only
the hollow beat of your breath,
the pulse visible in your throat
as we waited.
My nails were tiny shells
fitted sharply into numb palms,
and I listened to the dry heat
shaking in your shoulders.
The scars run like ribbons
with cross-hair razors,
slipping down into the deeper sides,
the terror,
the pain as he exploded inside you:
You had
to tell them,
the mutely indifferent
grey-haired Christian men,
the hard-faced women
with scarlet blades
drawn tightly against
their smiles.
The gates of justice
are hanging loose,
swinging in broken arcs
like a dying
bird's wing.
-For my best friend...and my bravest.
BKEgan
i don't know who you are, but you hurt me
sometimes i wonder if i really want to know
you scarred me
you broke me
you stole from me a gift i was supposed to give
to someone i love
And if you presented yourself to me right now
i would strike you down like an animal,
a feral animal
and you would be the prey for once
i don't know who you are
but i can smell you
that vile smell of man to child
i burn myself and remember that smell
i remember the taste
scary salty bitter vile
i hurt myself and taste your skin
you told me roughly i was beautiful
now you've stolen that beauty
And put it in a jar somewhere
and i sit here alone with no one
and my beauty sacrificed to pain
i burn out the tender parts of my memory
i become ugly
i scar myself
i remember
everybodyelsesgirl@juno.com
still here
no longer silent
my body weeps
with the memory of youth
with the memory of you
I will not be your daughter
I will not wear that dress
I will rise and fall and know it all.
My father
My poor father
picking up the pieces he lost for so long.
King of everything
sappho~poet
