More
poetry
*Empty*
Do you even have to try
to make me feel so
small
like an eighty-year-old
infant
Why do you feel the need
to rip my dreams to shreds
and leave me with no
other choice but to burn them
I am a ghost
I am an
empty
cage
I am not here anymore
I am not myself anymore
You found me
not long after Athena
hung me by
pale
silver
thread
I am what I love most
and you're taking it away
like what I once was
and you're leaving me
an
empty
cage
Jeanette
*Cold War*
You've won the big competition
You've gotten me alone
after I said I didn't want to see you
You've got me trapped
in this glass
house so why can't I make you crawl?
Why can't I be the Bitch that hurts you?
that
hurts
you
You say you don't
want to fight
it would be too unfair
You'd have the upper hand
How fair do you think
my fight has been?
Do you think that I am winning?
seems like I'm fighting
Cold War against the tide
Since you're here
I am
so far gone
and somewhere I am
running
and somewhere
you are falling behind
and somewhere
you are losing
and I am winning
Jeanette
*Every Sunday Night*
Aren't you always glad to see me anymore
I remember
you cried my name
every Sunday night
around the same time
You took me to church
Yeah you dragged me to church
every Sunday night
around the same time
and I remember being called
the mermaid in jeans
the little arsonist
and I remember the pastor's innuendos
insights into the mind of the Divine Master Insultor
Mother
the car is going the car is going
away
they are leaving they are leaving
me
Aren't you always glad to see me anymore
I remember
you took my choices away
every Sunday night
around the same time
You took me to church
Yeah you dragged me to church
every Sunday night
around the same time
and I remember being called
things the Christians and the Pagans
fought five thousand fucking wars over
and I remember the pastor's innuendos
insights into the mind of the Divine Master Insultor
Mother
the car is going the car is going
away
they are leaving they are leaving
me
Jeanette
*Independence Day*
I'm trying to learn this dance
so I can finally
celebrate
the degree of freedom
there is in loss
When I show you you'll have to
leave the lights on
So I can see you're
not the one
not the one who only taught me
to crash
to crash
When I show you you'll have to
watch closely
because if you blink I'll be
gone
I'll be celebrating
the degree of freedom
there is in loss
It's not even that you deserve
to see
to see
You don't know where
this power comes from
I'm teaching this dance to
my fellow faeries
so they can finally celebrate
the degree of freedom
there is in loss
Jeanette
Spring
Lying naked on the cool ground
Dignity stripped away
Innocence lost in a flash of light
Looking for solace.
Looking for peace.
Looking for a place to belong.
Quiet security lost in dark shadows
Drizzling rain cleanses the soul.
Darkness closes in
Unbeknownst to the calmness you feel around you.
Never seeing what came out of the darkness
Warm rain running down your face
The start shinning brightly in the sky
The sweet smell of spring.
Death creeps across your eyesight
Musk and sweat in the air
Pain...
Crying out.
The bell tolls One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.
Silence.
Laying naked on the cold ground.
Dignity stripped away.
Cherri
Elevator Junkie
on my back
with a hummingbird
at my lips
rock cutting
my shoulder
but forever shattering my soul
this elevator junkie
running to the
thirteenth floor
looking for the
little girl flesh
she left in the grass
I know everything
she'll never be
broken lampshades
funerals at dawn
poetry in motion
begging for beauty
blowing kisses
at the lovely hyacinth
she knows all
that she isn't
this precarious elevator junkie
kicking and screaming
when its time
to come down
frightened of the
lost innocence
the blood that flows
backed up against a tree
with Easter
whispering
a song of moonlight
elevator junkie
with a hummingbird
at my lips
stealing my screams
leaving me naked
and bruised
in the silence
Amanda
i
sang holy holy
aol im: dzeezd
Product Of A Panic Attack
thrusting into my body
thrusting into my head
thrusting into my soul
violating
selling
beating
punishing
splintering
breaking
mocking
ripping
killing
violate my security
with your promises of
a quick death
sell my innocence
to the traders of slaves
and butchered butterflies
beat my trust
banish it to the
Land of 10,000 Fears
punish my sleep
wake me from distorted dreams
with terror wrapped
around my neck
splinter my breath
that already comes in
tortured angry spurts
break my wings
faltering flight
striving for liberation
mock my confidence
with your constant intimacy
a ceaseless barrage
of nightmares and panic attacks
rip my veins as wide
as the Milky Way
blood from flesh
marrow from bone
kill
kill my security
innocence
trust
sleep
breath
wings
confidence
veins
body
head
soul
Amanda
i
sang holy holy
aol im: dzeezd
The Unnamed
Right through me
9:43 and I couldn't stop the tears
I watched for Tori, but you caught me
And I suddenly knew
That unnammed face beside me
In my mind, when they shouted
"Bitches! Rape the bitches"
and we still stood anyway.
That unknown moment
Like so many moments
We forget, sometimes
It was you, all along
And her, and her, and oh my god
I was crying
and you looked through distance
and time and glass and touched me
and said "This is the real life,
so you get back to your buisnes.
My life is tied to your life
My freedom (safe, oh) is your own too."
That's why I started
That's why i came here
You helped me remember why
You helped me.
fairy wings
a question crashes through my mind
and i fall down.
am i the rightful heir to this crown of ash
because my mouth can't spit out my legend?
does the silence fulfill the prophecy?
my rage and shame lay thick around my tongue
and the taste won't disappear.
you have stolen me away,
just like hades took persephone,
only i live here the whole year round.
stolen moments have proven dangerous.
they have blossomed into so much more
than they ever should have been.
little or big,
young or old,
hair or none,
will you ever not want me?
i think i can see now.
don't fade out...
don't fade out...
don't blackout...
my eyes are going...
god, just leave.
am i even worthy to wear tori's pretty rape hat?
and, by the way, does it match these shoes?
if i fell off the bed now, would i ever hit the ground?
i need strong fairy wings to lift me up.
i need to fly.
i have to fly.
TAKE BACK THE NIGHT
~dedicated to all survivors~
Take back the night from the cold stare of fear
And embrace the beauty of darkness
Take back your soul, which has been battered
Upon a raging sea of anger and hate
Take back the innocence that slipped from your grasp
As the shackles snapped shut, in the prison of despair
Take back the tears, shed in the emptiness of your pain
From a hateful creature who knows only how to maim
Take back your strength from those who would bind you to misery
And step forward into tomorrow without shame
Take back your hopes, your dreams
That his forceful blows tore at the seams
Take back your right to feel love and joy
And fight against the hell that has been given to you
Take back the light in your heart
That has been swarmed with lies
Take back what is yours, and yours alone
To give and share as you choose
Take back your life
take back the night
And with it you shall find day
Tiffany
my
website
I tried to find the purple people
but my polluted heart couldn't fit
my fingers bled all over the impurity of your mouth
I'm still that little girl
that screamed when you touched her
I'm still that little girl
I broke into those million pieces
that cut your toes
and my tongue sliced through your soul
but you didn't feel it
and you still held me suffocating my creativities
and stifling my cries
I couldn't bite hard enough
I just couldn't bite
I'm cutting out what you left in me
and I'm learning to hide the things I mistrust
I have erased you from my memory
so I can find the purple people
but I'm still that little girl
that screamed when you touched her
I'm still that dirty little girl
Nikole
Not me
When you look in the mirror
Who do you see?
I do not recognize the face
That is staring back at me
I do not see someone
Who is strong
I do not see someone
Who feels like they belong
Where is that person
Who smiled just because?
Where is that person
That I once was?
All is see is someone who is weak
I see someone who is scared
Someone whose dreams, whose feelings
Will never be shared
I see fragments of
What I used to be
Fragments,
But not a whole me
Why all the pain,
The hurt,
The tears?
How could I have let them
Take away
So many years?
Anger,
I hold it all inside
Behind this big wall
I just want to hide
I let other people
Change who I am,
Who I¹m supposed to be
Now they are gone
And I¹m left with this person,
This person who is not me
I let people hurt me,
I let them win
Then feel guilty
For it is I who has sinned
So who is this person
Struggling to get out
This person who needs to hide
Behind the fear, behind the doubt
And when I¹m alone
And it¹s just her and I
Why must I protect her from the truth?
Why must I lie?
If only change were easy
If only life was fair
If only I had someone to hold me
Someone that would care
I need to find the strength
To face all my fears
It needs to be okay
To cry all these tears
Someday I hope to be
That person I¹m meant to be
Someday I hope I get to know
That person who is me
so afraid of change,
so afraid of staying the same
Kelly
Guilty-Scream-Sign again on
(hey, how come C:s loosin' weight?)
sure
I was a pretty whore
thought
No-Doll-Smiles would give me
strength
Catharina
hey now lets
spend some time in
sweet snow hall
I've
been cutting thorns in his woden dress can't
figure it out but
now I'm a shemale man like
him and
again
Catharina
feel my
magic mouth I'm
falling out of sight now you
could wear my black dirty dress
again
if you leave me your number I'll
make sure they
adore you
been
sleeping forever and
now I'm too late
Catharina
I'll wear that dress again tonight, the
Pacific Parade got lost
now I wear my mothers toung if
anyone can see me just
fall out from the
frame I'm
leaving the umbrella and
your son can
always bring me back he
sure knows how to
moan me how
about some stickers? if
you pay me good I
might could get you red dressed honey
Catharina
speak in brackets
i am glad to hear i did not destroy you
i am comforted in the idea that the only person
i am wrecking is myself
(did he do this to other girls too?)
(maybe my silence has killed others)
he is the choke hold
with long invading fingers
around my only promise
and that was to stay daddy's little girl
forever
instead of dropping the girl act
i lost my father
(they may say that the lack of male affection
drove a need for attention
be it positive or negative)
(they might say i instigated this)
the idea that i was ever innocent
gags me quickly
i am so fuckable with blue lips
the fantasy that i am only dreaming
flits past and flips me off
(it likes to tease
fantasy likes the idea that i long for it be reality)
(it uses that against me)
my hands are cold
his hands are cutting of the circulation
to the rest of me
my hair in child style
and my dress cut for a whore
with my face
she thinks i blame her
in my head maybe i really do
but in my mouth i taste only my own guilt
i was the one who took the first sip
i was the one who told her to leave
(i should have held tighter)
(i should have known it would happen again)
this is slicing me off at the hips
taking away my unborn but not quite dead
children
(i like the look of me with babies
who don't love me)
(i like the sound of bitch in the morning)
this is turning into more of a confession
than a lie
i wish i had stuck with telling you sweet
untruths
i make you bitter with these tears
i am such a burden
(i know you love me)
(i just want to be left alone)
i fill myself up with caffeine
and inhale all the second hand nicotine i can get
i allow past my teeth
things that should be left untouched
by even my hand
(i look so wonderful
cock in mouth)
(too many men here know the back of my head
by heart)
i am glad to hear i did not destroy you
give me a piece of that strength
i only want to borrow you
(i long to heal a wound
that was never there)
(maybe he was never ever here)
Steffie
The Cold Tile Floor
14 years old smoking a cigerette
too young too smart to be told
remmebering the smell of liquor on his breath
pushing me down
feeling useless
the fight never ends
still lying there without help from anyone of you
the cold tile floor against my back
no forgiveness in that
innocent child screaming
too young for that too young to die
remmebering the smell of liquor on his breath
pushing dignity to the ground
ripping her flesh away
feeling caged in
the cold tile floor stuck to me
no forgiveness in that
His hands squeeze for silence
His body is heavy like stones
His control stills my beauty
wise woman with shame
beggining to think she's to blame
too young for games too young to say mercy
pushing me to the ground
ripping my precious clothes away
feeling lost and tucked away
the cold tile floor burns my skin
no forgiveness in that
His hands squeeze for silence
His body is heavy like stones
His control goes deeper in my head
the cold tile floor begins to feel dirty
too young for this situation
too young to understand
too vulnerable for his corruption
too young to die like that
He lefted me lying there
without a clue.
Pandora
There he is again... in the sun...
There it is again... in the steam...
There we go again... across the street...
There we stand again... i can't bear to look...
The hands, here they come,
there they go...
The grin, here it come,
now it shows...
i'm playing instruments in my head again,
to drown out the sound of the breathing...
For time it works, but my lungs are empty,
i can't hold the note long enough.
There it goes again...
Where it shouldn't, couldn't, and did...
There he goes again...
Screams all the music he needs...
How can they... all pass and play?
How can they... go about their day that way?
Soon, the curious eyes searching souls deepest sidestreets will find
me
again, sideways and panting, bloody and erased, this program will not
resume after intermission... take your children and go home.
Tuck away, those soft feather beds,
Sing a lullaby, try and calm this storm inside...
Santa Claus will never visit,
there is no candy bunny hopping around...
All there is, is brick and stone, grey and brown,
and my last thought on my tongue.
Zach
M.
forsaking the wreck
standing here on the edge
a year after first confession
(i watch my pencil
meticulously form these letters)
emerging from the fog
murky frustration, sadness, despair
i find myself
at a stepping off point
i balance carefully
considering the leap
gazing over the ocean of my life
waves of a year of tears
now waves of possibilities
i urge myself to surrender to the tide
let it carry me out where it will
knowing i can swim this time
not afraid of drowning
in swirling depths of past pain
sensing freedom from the chains
which bind me to the disaster
time to forsake the wreck
i have read, lived its story
time to take what i have learned
(the wisdom of poets)
replace the book on its dusty shelf
i purge myself with
several last wrenching sobs
gulp the fresh air of freedom and
s
w
a
n
d
i
v
e
from the railing
into the
welcoming tide.
Emily
ICQ#: 8793168
freedom
clackclackclack
London
the rattle of departing wheels
my train ticket to solitude
to independence
clutched nervously in my sweaty palm
my clumsy baggage stored overhead
my clumsy heart pounding in anticipation and fear
clackclackclack
to Cambridge and the Cam
where I cried in St. Mary's chapel
at the high school voices
singing "America the Beautiful"
clackclackclack
on to York and its cathedral
humbled by the stained glass spectrum
and the purity of a boys' choir evensong
clackclackclack
rattling on to Scotland and Stirling
wild nights in pubs
with foreign men and boys
drinking freedom by the pint
all of us strangers in a strange land
clackclackclack
to Inverness and the Highlands
solitude at its best
wandering up and down the same streets
and along the river whispering reassurance
clackclackclack
the rattle of arriving wheels
sleeper train to London
triumph in independence and courage
holed up in sleazy B&B's
careening boldly through Picadilly Circus
down to Green Park and the Palace
brave enough to slow the pounding of my ever clumsy heart
and sing the joys of solitude.
Emily
ICQ#: 8793168
My World
This world is filled with no hope but with fear
The fear he might come back again
The fear I might die from the pain
This fear is so great it swallows me whole bringing me further down
This world no one knows about
No one can tell that this is my world I live in
It is not my choice to live in this world
It is not my fault either
Iām crying out from inside
Iām sick of living in this world
This world is killing me
killing me· killing me·
Jennifer
Invisible prison
There is a prison that uses no guards
It has no thick walls or chainlink fences
Itās prison like hold comes from
an act of word that society demands
Because there is no doors or windows
no chainlink fences to be seen
other remain unaware of this monstrous scene
To never again feel the freedom
that belongs to those who remain
Your torment becomes an aching, longing, goal to reach
it is the secret
that holds the mystery of your freedom and release
How one gets locked up for life is quite beyond my grasp
What I do know is that no one would purposely
take on the task that
would bring about this scene
For it brings upon a future
of no human warmth and leaves you loneliness
without hope
It holds no parole, nor leaves any clues or leads
It remains a cruelty beyond mere words
for it is a world of terror that
holds tight within its grasp
What would it take to free yourself
from itās grasp of a lonely
friendless place where you are unable to feel the
warmth of a loving and kind embrace?
What plan would you set upon to
rid yourself of the one who holds you in?
Have you ever felt hunted with the need to
hide by tightly holding your body in one place?
Have you ever glanced up to see itās
shadow making itās presence on the
wall or hear the sound of itās footsteps
echoing down the prison hall?
No, I doubt you have, but now you are beginning to
understand the secret
of my prison and also my release
You now know why a key is of no earthly use
The pieces now begin to fall in place
and a picture now forms and to my
disbelief I gaze upon a picture of my own face
So now you know there is no one
stopping me from leaving this dark
horrid place except the fear within my own heart
holding me firmly here in place
Jennifer
