scream in cathedrals

More poetry

INNOCENCE
What did I do to deserve this?
Was it my childish charm?
Was it my big beautiful trusting eyes?
Was it the fact that you knew I wouldn't tell?
Did you get satisfaction from it?
You probably did
or you wouldn't have done it so many times
You have taken a great deal from me
You took my childhood away and adulthood away
You took my innocent hug and love
and turned into something dirty
Something that I will never forget
I have forgiven
BUT WILL NEVER FORGET
Kimberly Flanagan

HATE
I see your face in my dreams and nightmares
I hear your voice coming through the hole I call HELL
I smell your scent in the places that sane people dare to go
I feel your glare in every dirty man that comes my way
I see your face in the middle of all of my pain
Laughing
But,it is my pain, I am not laughing
I am crying,screaming,kicking to get out of this HELL called life
ENJOY
Laugh while you can.
Kimberly Flanagan

swallow your guns and your
politics
I will not participate
with a muscled arm across my chest
I was pinned to the bed
for a year
but now I can stand on my own
and now I know
that this world lies and cheats and
hurts
but this world isnt me
so I will look and breathe and touch
and I wont be pinned again
Erin

Who I Am
Empty inside
Forgotten innocence
Lost soul
Floating identity displaced by one
My secret is precious to me
A Power he can't see
I'm damaged and no one
wants damaged goods

Others before myself
the truth is getting hard to conceal.

Scream, in anguished rememberances
I can never hide from it
When it strikes through my autonomy
with its looming guilt
I'm infected, diseased by his
tosseled red locks and paralyzing deceit.

Ten years I thrived in ignorant numbness
secured within a shield of passivity
I huddled clinging to my inner power
of shame.

Who could I've been I'll never know
tainted by one, when I was too young
to tell.
I the only one and no one feels
the pain and anger that drives me so.

I don't want your sympathy
that won't heal the pain,
just know this about me
and you'll undertsand.
Kevin

The dark red moon bleeds, yet doesn't shine
Like my soul bleeds of depression, yet myself does not know why
I cry and cry myself to sleep
not waking up to a sunny beautiful day, but to a dark gloomy night
Days of feasting and many days of fasting
To feelings of sadness and hopelessness
Listening to one song over and over again
To keep sane but yet going insane
sittting in the middle of the bed
rocking my self, hoping it was some one else
searching and wanting some one to understand
but no one does and probably no one ever will. A Journey Through Tears
He said he loved me
Yeah, right!
Love isn't supposed to make you feel like less of a person
Real love builds you up
It doesn't break you down
If he had loved me
I wouldn't still be questioning my own self-worth

Four years later, and I still hate myself sometimes
The attack may have stopped
But I'm still fighting him off
Begging him to go away
Leave me alone

He's still not listening
He's got deaf ears, blind eyes
He can't see the pain he's caused
Or is it that he just doesn't want to?

What makes someone do this to another?
I know that rape is a crime of anger, aggression
It is NOT a crime of passion
Anger against whom? Me? What did I do?
I just wanted to be his friend
Not played with like a toy you can throw away once it's broke

That's how I feel - broke
Like a piece of trash in the garbage
The love I'm given now I don't feel worthy of - even though I'm told I am
When will being loved stop HURTING so much?
Stop making me feel I've stolen something that's not really mine
Why do I feel like the criminal when HE is the one who sinned?

He took his anger and passed it on to me
I feel it eating away at me
I'm told "It's okay," I can let it out
But that's what HE did
If I let it out, I'm no better than him
I don't want to pass this pain on to another
I want to be fair

But how can I be fair to them and still heal myself?
I can't. It's impossible
So I remain silent
Building up walls, tearing them down
Waiting patiently but eagerly for that day
When I can be with the one
Who can help me break down the walls
For good
Tracey White

Something I'll Never Be
One night of hellish agony,
When will this nightmare end?
Just when I think it is far behind me,
Something brings it back again.

Insanely jealous you must have been,
To take something so dear.
Lies only flow from my lips now,
Memories only bring fear.

Bloodlines destroyed,
You tore our family apart,
This deafening silence cannot be broken
By the extinct beating of my heart.

Purity and innocence is what you stole from me.
And once again, I know,
It's something I can never be.
Sabre

Absence of Fear
I can finally live my life,
Without any doubts or fears.
The big weight is now off my chest,
and I have silenced the burning tears.

You thought you had won the battle,
By making me afraid.
But the war is just beginning
I have no reason to stay this way.

My childhood you lost,
My innocence you stole.
I will never truly forgive you,
But my damage took its toll.

You think you have been saved,
Of the ramifications from your deeds.
But this I promise you, my friend,
In this you will not succeed.

It's all in open air now,
In time, they will believe,
They will start to see right through you.
You will no longer deceive.

You hurt me for the last time,
and I sure do hope and pray.
That I am the last to suffer. And it all ends here today.
Sabre

He Undresses Me
He undresses me
Touching where I don't want to be touched
I pray; I wish he would stop
He undresses me
And takes off his pants
I panic; I start to fight back
He undresses me
Soon, towers over my body
I cry; I try to keep him out of me
He undresses me
Placing things where they should not be placed
I scream; I cannot hear any sound
He undresses me
And decides to make love
I hurt; I bleed all over the sheets
He undresses me
Not caring about my pain
I detach; I am unable to feel
He undresses me
And kills my insides
I die; emotionally, I never regain consciousness
Karen
Tender flesh and childhood dreams
bloody tears and silent screams
held together by scars
used and abused
anyone would go insane
It kills you to see her suffer
her mind a map of trauma
her heart an alter in the church of pain
and they all slit their wrists and
smeared on the walls in their own blood
We Love You God~
Sarah

We live in a rape culture and it must be fought
Women are not objects
We can and will say no
Whatever i wear
Where ever i go
Sarah

Manny
This is not a record of love,
a remembrance of something I wish to return to.
I did not write this to cause people to marvel at the beauty of my words.
This is blood pouring out of a wound that had never been allowed to heal.
This is the letting out of a poison held in for so long,
only to take it back in with the next breath.
I could stop this if I wanted,
put down this pen and rip this paper to shreds,
but why should I?
After all this time, I think I deserve a little self-righteousness.
I'm not shutting up.
What you've done is seared into my memory,
permanent as a tattoo.
I will never be alone; you are my constant companion.
I can feel your breath on my back.
The implications of your voice pound in my ears,
making me bleed again.
The sound of your tongue...
your lips...
your fingers...
touching my skin
still echoes across the canyons of my mind.
Why can't I stop this?
Why won't it stop?
I know I must sound crazy.
But if I am,
know that it was you
who shoved me over the edge.
The agony of your conquering was like a mirror
thrust in front of my face.
I can see you now.
I know you so well.
I know what you are.
But I still don't know why.
I must have kissed the violence inside of you.
This hurts so much, but no one can see
through the windows of my eyes.
I have no marks on my body,
although my soul is bruised and lifeless.
I have to get out.
When the pain crashes down like the waves of the Atlantic,
man-made chemicals can soften the blow.
I have to go now.
The past is behind me and
the future is ahead.
I'm scared of moving forward and
I'm sick of looking back.
It would be so easy to give up.
To lie so still that I could hear my heart
when it finally stuttered and stopped.
It would be so easy.
It would be so easy...
PixiLeash@aol.com Letting in the Light
I am opening the door that you carelessly slammed tight,
I am once again learning to let in the light.
These nightmares have woken me and are now a daily plight,
Now that I have let in a little light.
Every day I remember something that I had hidden,
When you took what was forbidden.Now that i have let in a little light
Every day I see the room and how I stood there defying,
Every day I keep from crying as I see my gloom.
Every day I see how I wanted to escape your fist against my cheek,
And I am just as stunned today as I was then but I am learning how to speak.
I see myself later that same day with the gun that under the matress I found,
Had I known it was there I would have tried to end your life with just one sound.
I thought to take this life of my own with the gun I had found,
But my fear of death was stronger than my fear of life so the day ended silently
without a sound.That day you took away my light,
I had lost my will to fight. NOW is the time to bid farewell to those fears.
I have hidden my hurt all these years,I want to banish you from my mind,
I want to reclaim the light that had once shined.
I want to rejoin life's game,
No longer will I be the victim of your shame.
All this time I thought the fault to be mine that I was to blame,
I am learning that I was just the victim of your powerful game.
I am learning how to fight,I have a future in sight.
I am opening the door that you carelessly slammed tight,
I am once again learning how to let in the light.

Someone Dear
There was a time when I was sure,
that no one dear could ever hurt me.
That I was safe inside a sheltered world of happiness.
I had my friends,
I had my family,
I had the kind of life that was the very best.
But then HE came from inside my world,
Crushed my heart and took away my childhood.
He trashed my soul and left me crying,
Came back for more and left me wishing I was dying,
He took a part of me that never can be replaced,
All my innocence was lost and then he laughed,
right in my face.
From then on I allways live in constant fear,
of being hurt once more by Someone Dear
Someone Dear,
someone to protect me,
Someone Near, someone to connect me,
To an inner peacefulness,
To an inner happiness,
How could I be so hurt by someone so dear?
Why was I that hurt by someone that near?
Now all my confidence is lost
Now I'm the one who's paying the cost,
of a crime SO hatefully Cruel and Spitefully mean
That now my life is pointless and
I'm still so fearfull of living.

i stare out
and it pains me because
i realize that i have nothing original
to say about the my pain;
the pain we all share but
to scared to admit.
I see out
and it brightens me because
I have taken back my
spirit.
I stare out
and I am thankful for
the help that I recieve.
I see out
and it bitters me because
my light is stolen
and the world sees it as useless.
I stare out, and it scares me that
i can't escape the evilness that
consumes us in the end.
To cure my pain, I look up, then close
my eyes, so I can't see anything at all,
which saves my spirit from being captured.
Intense and agonizing are the ponderings
of the jilted heart.
The WHYs?
The WHAT FORs?
The HOW COMEs?
The WHAT NOWs?
They swirl around the mind
like smoke~~~~~~
From a candle who's wick was too week
to keep it's fire existing.
For what are we all but candles
waiting for the wax to melt and
the flame to die?
With each question left unanswered
the wick's strength Dwindles.
Life is a learning tool
so when the questions far outweigh the answers
And there never will be answers,
~~~THE FLAME IS GONE~~~
Some luck out and find another candle to relight with.
But some know in their hearts
that they would only snuff out
that kind souls flame with their anguish
So the candle just waits
for the last degree of heat to leave.
All the time wishing
for the answers.
Feeling so lonely and guilty
for letting others close enough
To try and relight.
Sick, sad, intense and agonizingly lonely,
are the ponderings of the
first jilted
then soiled
and finally crippled
HEART

When a soul is slain
Heart crys for something to make it will never know
Brain yearns for something to make is grow
and the Body slowly dies yet functions on in spite.

I could tell you:
He's not so wholly fictional
A knife in his hand
My back against the wall

I guess I could tell you now
This is not a feature film
I guess I could tell you now to
Read the next page

And girls they think we can give and give
But we can't and we never get
Do we girls?

And while you were building empires
My armies were loosing the battle
My wrists went up in fire
And the rest of this won't matter to you now

And girls they think we can give and give
But we won't and we don't need to get

He's not so wholly fictional
Not scribbled words on a page any more
Not a diary left closed on an open floor
I guess I could tell you now
Lori

Speed
There goes the plane
A little village suffering by
The rain
And there I am building matter
Over facts
Where you are, in this place
Is hard to place a heart
When time comes can you
Speed up
When a line is made
Can you trust
And when you say that you are
Here to help, making me
Feel comfortable, making me
Feel naked and us the dusk covers
My skin, I tremble when you
Run your fingertips.
I am scared right now, cause the
Reaction of being here inside
Your thoughts, greasy wallow
Sweaty palms. This feeling might
Relax the starry night
Holding it down by your kingdom
Can you speed it up
Cause adoption is around the corner
All the villagers are getting wild
Cause my donation to words have become
Part of the child
And so you said that speed is
The thing that you need
To brake down the frontier of helping
And as some run to look at the chaos
Mistrusting the laughter of friends
As they look at you like a victim
Simple words become a trend
When you thought who was behind you
Smiling like a glass of a shadow
And when you stumbled down to
Antville your matters have gone
Into a well,
You focus only on eyes, snake bites
And falling twilight can there ever
Be a change of the shade
As you surrender to the crowd
Holding a puddle of blood
You speak of speed when they
Look they will know what it was
Christian.F.Nicolau
Angel of the Poets Helen Keller, Toyota and a Girl With a Scar
"tie her up pull the chord
twinkle twinkle see her feet dangle,
yes they wiggle don't they"
ive lost it this game we're in but where's the
prized mask
the masked prize
or was there nothing to lose
nothing left
on your tongue and in your mind
demons i see now do you compromise
how do you compromise
yourself with your soul and what depth you had
or didn't in the end
"hush hush" he says
fearful my cries
i touched him i thought i brought him into my world
my head and my hell
in my demons we trust
"hush hush" he says
"just for a second"
my howls went far and ran the distance yet no one was
left at the finish line
and in my mind the back of my fury i heard
the muffles of sanguinary so peaceful... my home
the tears not forgotten
i hears the chords of a gibson guitar
"hush hush" he says so softly my ear now
"your face is nice girl, so this may not be hard."
"hush hush" he sings with sherry and deerdreams
"your face may be nice, but you still need a scar."

jogging the distance and jarring the pain
i ran again and again
in the rain
his hands had been carved on the bark of my soul
spirituality broken declared nothing by the spawn
from which it was created and i stopped crying
for myself
and cried again
to myself
and laughed
not being myself anymore again i was now for rent
leased in perversity and ghosts
darkness
territorial as he was
i was now marked as his own
in himself
himself on me and inside me
and i have already lost touch with what i once was
if i was anything at all or nothing
and that was what he saw
as i buckled my maryjane
"hush hush" he says
the tears not forgotten
i heard the chords of a gibson guitar
"hush hush" he says so softly my ear now
"your face is nice girl, so this may not be hard."
"hush hush" he sings with sherry and deerdreams
"your face may be nice, but you still need a scar."

i brought you in honey
i gave you the walk and the talk and i'll take you out
and you'll laugh as i ride my wheels
on your spirit
is it broken yet
or can you even tell under those blankets and leather
and jelly
can you tell now that ive fought and loved and saved
and destroyed
can you tell the difference in your voice
the way you walk
the way we fight
the way you talk and embrace and think of
nothing
never amounting to anything, girl i am your superiour
my territory my strength
my target again
so fight me and fight me and
fight me again
but you'll never beat me
baby's trapped in the rain
"hush hush" he says
the tears not forgotten
i hears the chords of a gibson guitar
"hush hush" he says so softly my ear now
"your face is nice girl, so this may not be hard."
"hush hush" he sings with sherry and deerdreams
"your face may be nice, but you still need a scar."

RAPE
IT'S ALL ABOUT POWER
IT'S ALL ABOUT HATE
IT'S NOT TO BE A WOMANS FATE
A TORN DRESS CAN BE REPLACED
A WOUND CAN HEAL
BUT A MIND IS THERE TO REMEMBER.
Thomas

You don't know what its like to be me
You see me
You think you do
You think my life is perfect
But you don't know the secrets
Hidden down deep

They surface sometimes
You don't know whats wrong
You just see
What I let you see

It gets to me sometimes
I just want to scream
To cry is my only peace
But what peace is no peace
When all you see
Are those empty eyes
Staring back at me

You ask me sometimes
To tell you whats wrong
And what a relief it would be

If you could see life
Through my eyes
You would see
Whats wrong with me

You must open your eyes
Look down deep into my eyes
They are my soul
If you look hard enough
You will see
Whats wrong with me
Rebekah