More
poetry
BEAUTIFUL
I don't want to hear about how beautiful I am:
Not from you - YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT
to use it as an excuse for the sickest thing you could do.
I will not accept blame for your actions.
I will not live under your rule of thumb.
Try as you might to take it from me,
I will rise to reclaim my power.
Because I refuse to accept what you tried to teach -
That you raped me because you found me beautiful,
therefore it's all my fault.
That because I'm a woman it's my birthright to be
Spread and bleeding for the violent ones among you.
I refuse to accept men as my dominators,
and I refuse to believe all men are the same.
Your pathetic need to violate is not my problem,
Much as you tried to make it that way.
Through all this pain I've realised something:
One of us is a victim, and it isn't me.
Aimée
Shall I pretend to feel nothing
Just for your own peace of mind
Shall I turn blind eyes
To what I'm seeing?
You preach hypocrisy as a way of life
Telling me lies-lies,
Only to make yourself feel better inside
Warping open minds
Closing doors that should have been left open
Shall I move away from whatever I claim
So you can possess me?
Shall I leave my bedroom door open at night
So you can use me
As you've used everything?
Is it just me, or my mind,
That you want to rape.
a vampire in the dark of night
slinks to my door in shade of light
beneath the blackened sky he peeks
through windows, unlocked door he sneaks
bedside covered with his form
black against black, and flesh is torn
blood sodden sheets, stained with deceit
no sign of him when i awake
but for his scent upon my sheet
frightened nights in succesion pass
jumping at every creak or groan
i wonder if he'll return once more
this prince of lust, to take his throne
and me, his victim last, not now
must fight against the rising tide
of fear, struggle to stay afloat
to make sure with this ebbing foam
that this is, indeed, his final ride.
Amy Short
Girl
I got the masterplan
Luna's on my side
in the garden
I saw you flying
to and fro
but not things are
getting deep
and I'm wondering
when will you
act like a man
but boys sing today
and I think the
change is making me
ill
Just remember
I am not your girl
so toodles to you
and all you've
marked me with
my hands are dry
but they've seen alot
Mary's conception
cost alot
but that's okay
cuz wee-girls
are stronger
than you
thought
In my heart
I've been crying
maybe it's just
the way the winds
blowing
The betrayl feels
me deep
but you'll never
make me cum
so do a jig and
eat some jam
for today is
finally my day
Katie
No sleep for the girl.
the one who is scared.
She hides behind her smile
runs from her fears
Her appearance masks her
insecurities, and masks
her worries.
Everyone knows her
but do they really
see her cry every night
feel her pain
her own disdain
for herself.
Her inner cry for help
is fading, as are her
hopes, dreams, and
aspirations.
Help the girl with
no outward qualms
rescue her from her own
despair.
No sleep for the girl.
Kim
Barry
The Girl who is not
Is she easy?
or just in pain
wanting to be loved
by someone
Anyone
You think she's a slut?
well look again
closer
into her eyes
all she wants is a hand...
It's all an attack on the girls who are weak
Push her, shove her
over the edge
she tries to be pretty
only a crumb...
or let it all out girl
let it all out.....
Drug her with your charm
take her into you
Kill her again and again and again
make her run away
faster....faster
hide in a corner, a hole
in herself.....
she asks.....
Why do I live
Why do I try
Where are they gonna go
when they die?
Will they be here
haunting me still....?
Never let go-
never let go now....
Walking like she's
got a place to go
throw him a kiss for a smile
pretty red pout
cool clothes
cool girl
Known to them all...
known to them all...
Is she happy?
A prayer or a scream
a tap, a turn, a tongue
a kick in the mouth
over the side
down and away
into the darkness,
she sleeps and...
she sleeps
drowning in black
the girl twists and turns and....
she says to herself..
I am the girl.
the girl who is not.
never you mind me
you might get caught.
Look straight ahead
deny I am here, but....
never let go go........
never let go now.....
Kim
Barry
Doctor
(after Sylvia)
Kill it, cut it, marry it that you may change it.
What a pretty schizophrenic this is,
what a unique madness! It enchants me -
as do you, as do you. You were carved
out of chocolate, dearest; I could eat you up.
A marriage night drenched in vanilla
is the place for us. A fortress of chalk-candy hearts
shall be our safety. Do not abort me thus, my darling -
it was I who protected you in your own cold womb.
Even with an assās head, Iāll love you as I must.
Sibyl, wire, cold and lovely hand from the unknown...
Itās me or darkness. Make your choice.
Daddy
Fear, silence, his sperm soaking my thighs.
This is what 'Daddy' means to me.
Jamie
Rain on a Tin Roof
Trippety trap,
Trippety trap,
God help me
When the rain comes down.
Can't escape a sound
That echoes forever,
And God won't help
When the rain comes down.
Bare-footed girl
Dancing round and round,
Ran for shelter
When the rain came down.
Little wood playhouse,
Shiny tin roof.
Trippety trap,
Trippety trap.
Close your eyes
Dear thing,
Go to sleep
Dear thing.
Forget what you lost
To the big bad wolf.
Daddy's little girl
When the rain came down.
That sound,
God let me forget
What happened
When the rain came down.
Trippety, Trippety,
And you're trapped.
Vampira104@aol.com
Stolen Innocence
The worst part are his eyes
They seem to have no soul
As they probe over my flesh
I wish that I was dead
What right does he have
To steal my innocence away
I'm now forever tainted
By the stroke of his hand
I can't feel close to anyone
I push them all aside
The terrible things he has done
Are to sick for me to say
He's an inhuman devil
Who's created a hell on earth
He treats me like a slave
To his every devient whim
He makes me feel so filthy
I can't scrub off his stench
The pain that I am feeling
Only ends when I am dead
the devil slept in her bed that night
he broke the glass walls and dismissed
the declared sanctity of her
drunken soul and stole her innocence
he used the sins of others to justify the punishment
she received in this nightmare
the redness of his evil presence covered her wings
and kept her from flight
the restraint of his power broke
as he destroyed her esteem and faith
his force penetrated her space
and caused her life to change
the residue he left behind
cannot be scrubbed off,
despite all efforts
the threats and screams
destroy her ears, smash her brain, crush her existence
she can never correct that night
if only she were able to sense,
she could have avoided sleep at all costs
the earthquake he caused in her room
brought no help, no one was there
to protect her
the spots on her face
bled as he thrusted his sinful shiv
he becomes the eternal epitome of her encapsulation
he leaves and gathers the splinters of the glass
to build up a false enclosure
her blood seeps past it.
Dark and Dirty Forest
I didn't have to lay
like wet muddy leaves
and let him put his hands there--
but I did.
smw
12 year old girl
there's this dirt
hiding underneath my skin
scrubbing does no good.
the dirt underneath my skin
buries all the light.
and no one knows
why it won't wash off,
except me.
i try to burn it off
but the water never gets
hot enough.
i'm a muddy little girl
thoroughly coated
in filth.
and you'll never know
what you've done to me.
n.h.a.
A War Within
I was told to write with more music;
How can I when there is no harmony.
"What were you doing when Desert Storm broke out?"
Everyone shared their answer but me.
I wasn't taking tickets at a theater
nor was I watching it unfold on t.v.
I was having sex for the second time,
but remembering it for the first.
No emotion, just hard core sex
I never did catch his name.
That day, war was declared in the Middle East.
Mine was declared almost a year before
when violence was thrusted upon me.
The U.S. sent thousands of troops to fight one war.
I'm the only soldier fighting mine.
America tied its pride in bright yellow
up and down Patriotic Street.
I was not as proud of my actions.
When Magic Johnson confessed
to carelessly sleeping with women,
he was deemed a hero, but a woman
would have been called a slut.
True, I now had a memory of what my mind
was unconscious to before.
But to understand the physical actions --
the friction, the smell, the sweat --
I compromised my own morals.
It wasn't even good.
She Has Her Grandmother's Eyes
The sound of water pelting
the bottom of the shower
shook her from her slumber.
She could see the figure
slide into the hot haze
that filled the bathroom.
She reached across the stranger's
bed for the glass of gin
on the nightstand.
Tom Petty's voice violated the air
"You don't know how it feels to be me"
he professed from inside a box.
"Damned straight you don't," she replied.
She rubbed her eyes
and stretched her arms before
climbing out of the stranger's bed.
The room reeked of sex.
She looked at herself in a mirror on the wall.
Her smeared eyeliner
had blackened her eyes.
They didn't sparkle anymore.
She knew her grandmother would not
be pleased with what she had done with them.
It was 4 a.m.
Time to end this one night stand.
She climbed into her car and
Quickly sped onto the interstate
The cars luminated the road
like strings of red and white Christmas lights.
Between the base beat that pulsated
from the radio and the static
Illinois scenery surrounding her,
she was quickly mesmerized,
missing her exit.
She found a map in her glovebox.
"I think I-74 has changed a little
since 1972," she thought as she headed
aimlessly into the unknown.
She knew she had to get off
this road to nowhere
before she ended up
in Indiana.
every time i see you now
is in the dreams of mine
and every time it happens again
the more i have to cry
my screams haunt me still
so much they posses my lips
i've even thought my death would stop
the dreams that kill my soul
the further you are from me
the more that i can cope
i just wish that you are dead now
so that the others will have some hope
3 something pm
on the beach
in front of him
in front of me
what counts is what
we each think it should be
for him it's nothing special
unless you count the bragging he's gonna do
not like the boys will believe him
but whatcha think he's gonna do
it's obvious he wants some
not 'cause it's part of you
you don't know what you're doing
it's new for you as well
only at the exact moment
do you realize
it's your own personal living hell
let him catch his boat home
walk back up the hill
no god to trust
no soul to tell
close you're eyes
and concentrate
"you are an evil peson
you let this happen"
there was nothing you could do
First Time
No rose petals scattered on the bed
No candlelight dinner to capture the mood.
Not even a sleazy hotel room.
or the backseat of a piece of shit car.
He's not my knight in shining armor
He's not my high school sweetheart
A monster with big wild blue eyes
and a thick, brown, scratchy beard.
It wasn't my wedding night
or prom night
It wasn't on Valentine's Day, either.
my eighth birthday was my premature
womanhood initiation.
My protector, my provider of clothes and
food and bed.
He's supposed to save me from bad guys,
ya know?
Instead, he stole the 'gift' I can never
get back.
It was supposed to be filled with
beautiful memories
but all I recall is his had over my
mouth and my insides ripping to shreads.
Some first time, huh?
Jamie
Wish List of the 106, 593 Brave Enough to
Report It
believe
in reincarnation
he will come back a woman
she'll grow into
man flesh
strong ligaments
intimidating muscle tone
enormous pectorals
large man hands
to choke the wind
from teenage mouths
vice like grip
she wants him to know
bleeding knuckles
raw, open knees
vulnerability of nakedness
taste of dirt
and leaves of the previous autumn
scarred gashes
lingering still years after
she wants him to know
officer's probing questions
reinvasion via
words like "ejaculation"
"forcible"
She wants him to wither away
and ponder, analyze, reanalyze, during years
of gulit-ridden, self-imposed
purgatory
then reincarnate
attorney general
then senator
supreme court justice
congressman
president
Christine M. Miller
every other night, third through fifth grades
okay, this time we reverse
i play mom's cheetah boyfriend you
play eight year old gazelle
i secure latch at top of door
my fingers could never before reach
i pin your baby shoulders down
in strawberry shortcake floor-
embracing nightgown
i push
dirty man fingers into your vagina
you scream
you lose breath
hyperventilate
squirm cry
for mother
at night school
insist to her
when she comes home
you really aren't
afraid
of thunderstorms
on nights
dry as friction-burned skin
Christine M. Miller
Rum
embitter me
silence set him free
i let him in my door
i let him in my world
he hurt me mommy
he held me down mommy
he forced in me this pain
embitter me
i washed away his signs
and i scrubbed in deeper shame
he filled my mouth mommy
he cut my soul mommy
he forced in me this pain
embitter me
i let him into me
i sold it all
i set him free
mommy he hurt me
mommy
embitter me
stephanie schultz.... icq # 28821138
standing alone
laying ALONE in the room
i squeeze my Mind closed
against the acts HE performed
i can't bear to Face
the Nothing HE brings
kneeling ALONE in the school
i hold my Ears shut
against the Horrors HE said
i can't bear to Hear
the silence HE brings
sitting ALONE in the town
I pull my Knees close
against the Pain deep Inside
i can't bear ro Feel
the Numbness HE brings
standing ALONE in the world
i let my Soul bleed
against the pureness i See
i can't bear to Know
the Things DADDY brought..
kaeia@hotmail.com
Why?
Why do I let you kill me, day after day?
Why do I let you hurt me in every way?
Then let your loving words wash my tears away
when the pain stays with me forever?
Someday you'll finally kill me, body, mind, and soul.
And I'll come back to haunt you for all the dreams you stole.
I know your heart is made of coal.
Still I will hurt you the way you hurt me.
I hear you coming down the hall,
you've been out and done it all.
I lay curled up in a little ball,
and pray you won't come near.
Then you put your hands all over me,
and that fire in your eyes I see.
I cry ou for help so desperately
but no one is around to hear me scream.
kaeia@hotmail.com
Conception
i want to scream so loud
as to break
the sound of pain
i want to fight the demons
resting silently in the
cracks of my soul
i want to turn my
blue tinted world
edispu
d
o
w
n
and begin the
conception
of my self again
I'm Alive
I said No
I wouldn't let it go
But I lost it to my fear
I'm weak
He took a little piece
That's mine you thief-I cried!
In time I'm fine
Right on line
Denying what I'm worth inside
I saw what life is like
I'm not alive.
So, I said Yes,
I let it go
I gave a little piece
That's what you want you theif.
I cried.
Look into my eyes
As deep as you can see inside
This isn't what life is like
And I'm Alive.
Sara
Hope
Gather all your trophies
Little Girl is on the fly
She's saved a set of matches
And she's still not asking why.
Sara
Power
Women have drunken lusty sex
Georgeous men play
But the day of sad blood
Scream
Ask why
Sara
Memory
She could paint her body
With the moons of her life
All she would need is a knife.
Sara
The Sea
Let me go
Alone in my boat
Just me and the sea
Because I don't know
Why the wind blows
Myself out of me.
Sara
The Battle
I stand in the shower
Trying to wash off the pain
Remembering the poison I smelled on his breath
Remembering the hate in his eyes
I still feel his cold touch on my body
I hear his voice echoing in my mind
So I pray for an escape - any way out
I close my eyes and become numb to everything
The ice cold water runs down my body
My nightmare swallows me up
His body is pressed against mine
I shake with the fear of not knowing what's next
So I close my eyes
I pray for an escape - any way out
GOD HELP ME - I NEED YOU
His hands begin to unbutton my pants
My heart starts pounding and I cant breathe
I feel Satan's presence
So I pray for an escape - any way out
The battle belongs to God now
As I lay there I hear and feel nothing
I open my eyes to stillness
God has won his battle
The war is over and my nightmare has ended
Sara .e.
The Candle
Your life was filled with light and hope
You had dreams to live out
Your eyes glowed with happiness and your smile made my days brighter
Then slowly your candle burned out and you changed
Now you are filled with darkness and despair
Hopelessness consumes you
The laughter is gone
Tears now comfort you
When I look at you I see nothing
I miss you
When are you going to relight your candle?
Sara .e.
The Dance with the Devil
As I inhaled deeply, I knew he was near
His presence was overtaking me
His touch sent chills up my spine
As I exhaled slowly, I knew he was near
My senses drifted slowly
I could feel the coldness in the air
We became one - body and soul
He caressed me with his soft touch
He protected me from the outside world
Breathing deeply, I knew he was near
I waited for death to come
Darkness controlled all light left in me
He owned me now and I became part of him
There was no escaping the power he held
I felt myself slipping in to his world
Breathing deeply, I knew he was near
Courage fought back and the song ended
Dancing that last dance will never be the same again
Sara .e.
I Love You
I always have
I always will
Nothing the world could do to you
Would change that
Nothing anybody could do to you
Would change the way I feel
Nothing at all
Because to me
You are hope
One tiny fragile person
Against the whole horrid world
When I think about you
I smile
And realize
There is still hope
There is always hope
A solitary light
Against the blackest night
The darkest sky
I will always have your smile
I AM A SURVIVOR
I survived: being sexually molested.
I survived: being called names.
I survived: being beaten.
I survived: black eyes, bloody noses and bruises.
I survived: being told I was worthless.
I survived: the cuts and scars.
I survived: covering up for you Mommy.
I survived: my brotherās beatings.
I survived: the teacherās questions and concerns.
I survived: the Tabasco sauce punishments.
I survived: being told you wished that I was never born.
I survived, and that is why I am here today, because·
I AM A SURVIVOR.
Appreciation
you remind me
of flaming red rage
and a gentle whisper
of forgiveness
accompanies your music
drowning out the suffocating pain
your eyes reflect
sparkling rays of hope
and your eloquence fills my soul
each time you sing
so very sweet
i offer this thank you
a tiny gift
of love
taken from my salvaged heart
bubbling
with a quiet senserity
i adore your vitality
so please smile
for the peace
you have given me
while i listen
to you play
ncl
